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lionhanie · 1 year ago

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moving to busan (kim leehan)

where you move to a new city and fall in love with a boy on the beach

surfer!leehan x gn!reader (non-idol au)

this work is my contribution to @onedoornet 's summer event! ^_^ check it out here!!! ♡

word count: 5.5k

genre + warnings: fluff!!! maybe a tad of angst o_O, written in all lowercase!, mentions of depression + feelings of unbelonging (??), leehan is referred to by his real name (donghyun), ft. side characters taesan and woonhak

a/n: me when i had to watch surfing videos to write this LMAO sorry if its inaccurate…….. i can't even swim! LOLLLL. i def channeled some of my own feelings into this, so it was rlly fun to write. i'd even go as far to say this is my Most Favorite piece yet :,)

reblogs ↺ + feedback always appreciated!

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you didn’t know what home felt like. which felt odd to say, given that you were extremely fortunate to grow up the way that you did– a roof above your head, food on the dinner table, and a family to share it with. the older you got, the more it felt like you needed to leave. there wasn’t anything inherently wrong with your life; sure, you had your fair share of rough patches here and there, but it was never anything too severe. despite that, you felt suffocated. it was hard to wake up in the same bed you’ve used for lord knows how long, going outside to walk the same paths you’ve walked on thousands of times, all to see the same faces everyday. this was all you knew.

moving to busan was something you never expected yourself to do. the decision was made more on a whim than anything else; immediately upon graduating, you decided to pack your bags and move to a new city, feeling like a stranger wandering alone in the foreign streets. there wasn’t much to pack, anyways. you were committed to truly leaving everything behind and starting fresh, bringing only one suitcase and a backpack for your essentials.

you grew up in a smaller town, about five hours away from where you were now. there, you were used to the quaint homes belonging to the families you'd grown up with. the kind crossing guard by the middle school you used to attend still worked there years after you graduated, now bearing wrinkles by her eyes, but still possessing the same sweet smile she would always give you while helping you cross the street. everything you needed was a quick bike ride away. the area was quiet, comfortable, familiar. and yet, you left.

you’d gotten to a point where you grew sick of the familiarity. to live life in one place forever scared you. it was best described as a fear of being stuck– like a stagnant body of water, peacefully undisturbed but painfully boring, to say the least. a fear of missing out on all the things you could be doing if you just lived somewhere else. anywhere more exciting than the town you knew like the back of your hand. you yearned for something else, something different.

moving to busan meant doing things you never got the chance to do back at home. growing up, you quickly realized that being in a small town meant that you couldn’t do the same things that kids in bigger cities could do. all you had were necessities– a supermarket, doctor’s office, run-of-the-mill shops lining a dirt road in the core of the area. it was enough, sure, but you were hungry for more. on the other hand, busan was full of unique experiences waiting for you. some being as simple as trying new cuisines at restaurants you’d only dreamt of seeing in your hometown, or attending various local festivals held in the area for tourists and residents alike.

it was crazy to think that life could be so different, even a few hours away from your childhood home. to most, giving up everything you once knew is a terrifying thought. to you, it was a wish you made to yourself when you blew out the candles on your birthday cake. you marveled at the way it’s been nearly two months since you first settled in and there’s still an endless list of things you’ve yet to try! it felt more like a dream, than anything. life has never been so bright– especially after years of feeling dull in a town you now dreaded returning to.

moving to busan meant finally meeting new people. it was a breath of fresh air, really. the apartment complex you lived in was on the corner of a busy area, giving you access to a wide range of personalities each time you stepped out the building. you were lucky enough to get a part-time job at a newly opened cafe a couple blocks away, where you quickly became friends with your coworkers: taesan (who didn’t like coffee in the first place) and woonhak (who spent more time talking to the customers than actually making drinks).

you would’ve been content if those were the only two people you managed to befriend in the big city. they were full of life– a never ending source of laughter and stories from their respective hometowns, making your shifts go by significantly faster when you were scheduled together, much to your disappointment.

this is exactly what you had in mind the first time you thought about leaving. it was exhilarating. being someone completely new to the area meant that you could be whatever you wanted to be. there were no expectations from those around you; nobody knew who you were prior to moving. it was a freedom you feared you would never experience if you stayed back home– the smallest changes in your appearance would be the talk of the town, especially with the way history ran deep between the residents. in busan, it was a relief to be a stranger.

moving to busan meant being by the water every chance you could get. you’re glad you moved right around the time spring started. the weather was perfect; just warm enough, not too hot. in your free time, you find yourself walking along the shore. it was only a short distance from your apartment, being only a fifteen-minute walk away from the sea. as a kid, you’d only visited it once. to you, the water was so terrifyingly beautiful. one would think they know what it has to offer on its surface, but the truths lie deeper than one could ever imagine. the very bottom of the sea could hold the most precious treasure in the world or the most dangerous creatures unbeknownst to man– the possibilities were endless. it’s a shame that you didn’t get to indulge in your interest more when you were younger, but you weren’t complaining now that the beach was practically in your backyard.

sometimes you find yourself alone, sitting in the sand on an old blanket of yours. it’s normally right around dinner time, where most people have left the beach and the sun begins to fall from the sky. you could sit there for hours, listening to nothing but the waves crashing against the sand while you wait for the mix of colors from the sunset to paint the sky. you try to find a new place to relax every time you come to the water. much like how you felt about your hometown, it didn’t feel right to return to the same spot each time.

on one of your routine visits to the beach, you met a boy, whose story felt oddly familiar to you. much like your own upbringing, he’s been in the same place his whole life. this is where your timelines falter– it’s clear he has zero intentions of leaving the city he grew up in. to him, this is the only definition of home he could imagine. you were almost jealous. you yearned to know what it meant to truly enjoy being in the same place for so long. maybe it was commitment issues, or maybe it was just a never-ending desire to know more– to experience everything life had to offer. for donghyun, he seemed just fine being here forever.

the first time you saw him was by chance. today, you decided to go see the water after work. it was rare you worked the mid-shift, which coincidentally ended around the time you would normally find yourself sitting in the sand. “are you doing anything after work today, Y/N?” taesan asks, watching you take off your apron and fold it neatly before placing it into your bag.

“i think i'll go to the beach today.” you smile at the thought, having quickly found comfort in the location.

“wow, i'm jealous,” woonhak pouts at you from behind the register. “can’t believe you’re leaving taesan and i to close all by ourselves today!”

you playfully roll your eyes at the boy. “you should blame our boss, not me. if we’re all off one day, i promise we’ll all go together!” your coworkers wave goodbye to you as you walk out of the front entrance, happy to see that it was still somewhat bright outside. you normally left long after the sun had set, when most of the neighboring stores were closing as well.

the walk there was always pleasant. you liked exploring different routes, seeking out all possible ways to get to the same destination. it’s hard to keep the excitement bubbling within you contained when the vast expanse of sand first comes into view. there were still groups of people scattered across the area, but because it wasn’t exactly “beach season” yet, it wasn’t too populated. you hadn’t brought your usual blanket with you; coming here was a spontaneous decision. instead, you decided to lay out your apron close enough to the water to smell the salty air but just out of reach of the waves rippling against the shoreline.

you plant yourself onto your makeshift beach towel, the sand feeling soft below you, still warm from the sun’s touch. looking into the distance, you’re entranced by the movements of the sea. it was healing, the rhythmic push-and-pull of the waves leaving a white foam in its path, bubbling and full of life. the calls of seagulls from above you, soaring around peacefully.

you wish you knew what it could feel like to fly like that, to feel the air beneath your wings. complete freedom. a small figure comes into your view, pulling your gaze away from the birds. someone’s surfing? it’s a little cold to be doing that right now. even so, the boy didn’t seem to mind. standing on the surfboard, his face was filled with pure joy as he rode the water beneath him. the closer he got, you were able to hear his fun-filled cheers more clearly. complete freedom.

he was awfully good at what he was doing, unphased even if the tide seemed to pick up a bit more than expected. right now, the stranger looked completely in tune with the water; as if they were one and the same. his movements were graceful, despite how difficult it must be to keep balance.

the wave soon dies down, crashing against the sand as it always does. your eyes observe the way he laughs to no one but himself as he walks through the shallow parts of the water. drops of water fall from his hair as he shakes his head, board held securely beneath his arm. the wetsuit is tight against his skin; his figure is lean and toned, presumably from all the surfing he does.

he’s not too far away from you now, catching his breath as he sits in the sand parallel to you. the surfboard sits idly against the sand as he looks out into the horizon, seeking his next adventure. it’s not long before he gets up and approaches the water once more, sensing a big one coming up. you didn’t know much about how this worked, having only seen it in movies or tv shows, never in-person like this.

the man lays stomach-down onto his board, determined as he paddles deeper into the unknown. he’s dismissive of the smaller ripples against him, not nearly powerful enough to get a good ride. it’s impressive how he seems to control the water, rather than the other way around. it’s clear that he loves what he’s doing. you decide you love it too, completely mesmerized by the way he maneuvers through the tide. he disappears briefly as a larger wave washes over him, but he’s quick to rise above it, emerging on the other side and pushing further into the sea. you watch as the water begins to crest close to him. this is the one.

if you weren’t paying enough attention, you would’ve missed the way the stranger effortlessly springs to his feet, knees bent slightly when he first mounts the board. he shuffles slightly, adjusting his stance for better balance. almost in tune with the water, he skillfully navigates the wave, letting the water bring him back to the shore once more.

the sun was behind him now, a beautiful arrangement of pinks and oranges flooding the sky, making the picture perfect. you almost couldn’t believe you had the pleasure of seeing it in real time, the whole scene looking like a frame out of a movie. there it was again, an expression of bliss as he enjoys the ride, arms stretched out in the air by his sides as the board is pushed back to the shore once more. even when he falls off the board as the momentum slows down, the grin on his face never dies.

despite your attentiveness, you don’t comprehend the way the handsome man was heading your way, being led by the tide. much like before, he’s chuckling to himself as the high from the ride slowly dies down. his hand runs through his damp locks after wiping the salty water from his face. now, he’s walking directly towards you, eyes shaped like crescents with the way he was cheesing so hard. your heartbeat speeds up. you turn around, finding that there was no one else around. his smile is reserved for you.

the board is held close to his body as he leaves the water, his footsteps leaving indents in the damp sand behind him as he settles a couple feet away from you. there’s a soft plop as he drops the surfboard on the ground, taking a seat next to it.

“do you want to try?” his eyes flick over towards the water before they’re back on you.

“huh?” you’re baffled at the way you were observing him from afar only a couple minutes prior, and now he’s striking up a conversation.

“you’ve been watching me for a while, no?” he tilts his head, lips curling into a small smile. his accent is thick, more obvious than some of the others you’ve heard in your short time there. he must be from around here.

“was i that obvious?” you joke, playing with a handful of sand by your feet.

the stranger laughs in response. “there’s barely anyone else here right now, at least around this time of year. you think i wouldn’t feel a set of pretty eyes on me while i surfed?” your cheeks heat up at the comment, feeling a bit flustered at the sudden praise. he’s properly facing you now, hand outstretched in your direction. “nice to meet you, not-so-secret admirer. my name is kim donghyun.”

his hand is still wet, drops of water touching your own as you reach out to shake it. “i’m L/N Y/N. it’s nice to meet you too, donghyun.”

“is that an apron you’re sitting on?” he points out, moving to fiddle with one of its strings resting in the sand.

“pfft, yeah. forgot to bring my blanket today.” you explain, laughing at your forgetfulness. “i just got off work.”

“you come here often, then?” his hair was completely soaked still, droplets falling from it and landing beside him.

“i guess you could say that. i only moved here a couple weeks ago.”

“you picked the perfect city. i love it here.” the sun was almost completely out of view now, having slowly disappeared into the horizon. it was beautiful out. you breathe in the salty air as you watch the stray clouds floating by.

“yeah, i think so too. busan has been treating me well.”

“god, i’m starving,” he gets up abruptly, brushing his hands together to remove the sand clinging to them. you expect him to pick up his board and walk off, turning him into nothing more than an oddly-sweet beach interaction. “i know a good gukbap place nearby. coming with?” he extends a hand out to you again, waiting for you to accept his invitation. why not?

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moving to busan meant enjoying summer for the first time in years. as a kid, you used to dread this time of year. most of your friends looked forward to school finally ending, but to you, this just meant you truly had nothing to do with your spare time. your days were spent walking down the worn down paths listening to music, or sitting in your backyard reading one of the many books in your collection. this was the closest thing you had to “escaping” from your reality.

now, you had an entire city to explore. you were eager, but you wanted to take your time doing so. the last thing you would want is to get tired of busan, even if you arrived just a couple months ago. you didn’t see your excitement wearing down any time soon.

“there’s my favorite barista!” donghyun’s smiling at you in front of the register, where you’d been standing for the past couple hours. once you told him you were working at one of the local cafes, he quickly became a regular (only when you were on schedule, of course).

“you’re not getting anything today?” he shakes his head no, making you chuckle. he actually never bought anything when he was there, rather showing up just to talk to you in your free time. you tap a few buttons on the screen, starting your thirty minute break and walking out to the main floor of the shop, the surfer following closely behind.

“do you want to go to the beach with me later?” donghyun rests his head against his hand as he looks at you from across the table. “i’m going surfing again.” it’s sweet the way his eyes sparkle when he talks about his beloved hobby.

“wow, i would’ve never guessed!” you respond sarcastically, earning a giggle from him as he shrugs. “i’m closing today though. guess you won’t have an audience today.”

he pouts back at you, sniffling as he wipes away non-existent tears. “who else am i going to show off to then?” ever since the day you met, you found yourself seeing donghyun more often than you initially expected. you thought that he’d just be a friend you’d find in the waters every so often. not that it was an issue, no– rather, you found yourself perking up every time he walked through the doors. it’s something woonhak quickly picked up on when working with you, often nudging you with his elbow suggestively every time donghyun showed up.

“i’m off tomorrow, though.” you’re looking at your shifts on your phone. “if you’re free, maybe we can-”

“yes.” he answers immediately, catching you off guard.

“you’re not going to let me finish my sentences now?” you can’t hold back the grin on your face at how forward he was. “what if i asked you to go fishing in the middle of the night or something?”

“...i’d still say yes. that sounds fun, actually. we could totally do that if you want to!” every word that came out his mouth was so incredibly endearing, even if he wasn’t trying.

…and that’s how you found yourself next to him at midnight, only a couple hours after you got off work, sitting in two fold-up beach chairs on the dock. “i’d question why you have all this fishing gear, but i should’ve expected as much from you, donghyun.”

“hey, isn’t this nice though? there’s no one else here at this time.” he looks proud as he rests the fishing rod on the wooden guard rail, line casted in the water. “isn’t it kind of romantic?”

your cheeks heat up at his implications. if it weren’t for the warm lantern placed between you two, he would’ve missed the blush on your face. “i was joking when i said we should do this, you know.”

“oh, was it? i was serious, though.” you can tell he’s telling the truth with the way he looks at you with a serious gaze.

“yeah, i know that now.” you didn’t mind being dragged around to his odd antics. weird, yeah, but you can’t deny the fact that you enjoyed every second of his company. he enjoyed yours as well. “i find it funny to think you find this to be romantic.”

“why wouldn’t i? you’re here with me, after all.” with that, you realize that you see donghyun as more than just a boy you met on the beach.

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moving to busan meant having someone to walk with once the autumn leaves started coming in. it was always nice to see the trees begin to change color, but you always wondered what it would be like to see the transition on a bigger scale– and busan gave you the perfect chance to do just that. now that you finally got to experience the fall wonder somewhere new, you weren’t sure if you could ever go back to the life you once lived.

days like this were common, where you’d walk through the streets that donghyun grew up in. usually it was just you two, but today, he suggested you come with him as he walked his dog. naturally, you accept; it was hard to deny a cute boy with an equally cute dog in his arms. you hold onto the leash, smiling at the way koni would stop every couple minutes to sniff something on the ground.

as you walk a bit further, you stumble across a large crowd of people surrounding various street vendors, curiosity piqued within you. “ah, is it already time for the jagalchi festival? how could i forget!” donghyun marvels at his poor memory, he hadn’t realized it’s already been seven months since you entered his life. time seemed to go by quicker with you by his side.

“festival? this happens every year?” your steps slow down, koni gently tugging on the leash to keep walking towards the bustling area.

“yeah, it’s basically like a huge fish market that runs for a couple days. tons of people come from around the country to see it, actually. the local fishermen show off all the catches from the season, so you know it’s the freshest you can get… and there’s performances too! you have to see it now that you’re a busan resident!”

donghyun takes your hand in his, leading you towards the festival. banners were put up all over the area, welcoming in visitors from near and far into the heart of busan. colorful lanterns adorned the sides of each vendor’s stall, enveloping the area in a comfortable glow. there were people of all ages in attendance, smiling and laughing amongst each other as they explored everything the market had to offer– this was something you would’ve never experienced back at home.

the two of you come to a stop at one of the less crowded sellers. its owner, a kind looking old man, was standing proud at the buckets of fish laid out on the ground in front of him. “should we raise a fish together?”

“donghyun, these fish are dead.”

he rolls his eyes at you playfully. “duh, i know that. i mean like, going to the store and getting a new friend for my tank at home.”

“wouldn’t that just mean you’re raising it on your own? i don’t have any space for a fish tank at my place.” you think back to your apartment, which now felt like a space you could truly call your own. you were proud to think that you finally felt like you were where you belonged, even if you’ve only been here for a short time.

“that’s fine! what matters to me is that we bought it together! obviously i’d give you visiting rights to our child.” how could you reject him when his eyes light up at the mention of getting a pet with you?

“woah, our child? we must be serious now.” your comment is nothing more than a joke, but he’s silent as he thinks about what he wants to say. he gives the hand he’s holding a slight squeeze.

“can i be your boyfriend, Y/N?”

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moving to busan meant finding a new type of warmth amidst the cold winter. back at home, winters felt especially difficult. you were prone to the adverse effects of seasonal depression when this time of year came around. the days weren’t as long, sun setting much earlier than it did in the summer, leaving you with nothing but darkness. just getting out of bed felt like a hassle– there was nothing to look forward to in such a boring town. everything was just… so bland. you were in a constant state of irritation, the smallest things ticking you off and leaving you frustration for no specific reason.

this winter, you found it hard to believe those old feelings haven’t come back yet. not when you had someone like donghyun at your side. if you found it hard to get out of bed, he’d be there to drag you out with him, humming to himself as you made breakfast together in your tiny kitchen. if you felt like crying, he’d be waiting next to you, box of tissues in hand as he wiped away your tears.

winter usually felt like being dragged deeper into the ocean, unable to swim– but now, donghyun was there to bring you back to the surface, safe and sound. each day spent with him felt like healing; as if nothing bad could ever happen to you knowing that there was someone who looked at you with nothing but love in his eyes.

“do you ever miss your hometown, Y/N?” you were laying in your boyfriend’s arms in his childhood bedroom. his prized fish tank sat on his dresser, where the fish you bought together swam happily amongst its friends. there were photos of him as a kid framed on his walls– him at his middle school graduation smiling proudly between his parents, him holding koni as a puppy, him crying beside his older sister on the playground– each one giving you a glimpse of the life he lived before he met you. “i can’t imagine throwing everything away and leaving like you did.”

“well, it sounds bad when you say it like that. i don’t think i was happy there, though.” donghyun knew he wanted nothing more than to give you a home you felt comfortable going back to. a place where you could feel true happiness in. he’s mindlessly running his hands through your hair from behind you as he listens. “i can’t say i miss it just yet. maybe i’ll visit sometime soon, just not now.”

“does that mean you’re happy here? in busan, i mean.”

“yeah, i’m happy,” you take a moment to reflect on the way your life completely changed upon leaving the town you once knew; how a stranger on the beach brought color into your colorless world. sunsets spent eating ice cream on a hot day at the beach, meals shared at his favorite local restaurants, and nights much like this one, being embraced by the man you love, as you talk until the sun rises. “i knew things would be better somewhere else, but i’d never imagine meeting someone like you so soon. you make me feel like i should look at things a little differently at home.”

“if you ever decide to go back there, can i come with you?” he rests his head on your shoulder, cheek touching yours.

“hm? i mean, if you want to. there’s not much to see there. i don’t think you’d have as much fun there as you do here.” you offer, thinking about how disappointed he’d be upon seeing that there truly was nothing to do there compared to busan.

“i want to see it. i don’t care if you think it’s boring,” he’s sincere with his words, you can tell he means everything he’s saying when it comes to you. “we can rewrite all your bad memories together. it makes me sad to think you look back at the town you grew up in without fondness.”

“it’s going to be at least a year until i want to see that place again,” you grab his hand, large fingers enveloping yours. “but i’d like that a lot, donghyun.”

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and by the time spring rolls around once more, and it’s finally been one year since you moved to busan, you think you finally understand what it means to feel at home. you never got the chance to visit the temples last year, just barely missing cherry blossom season when you first unloaded your boxes in your empty apartment. from then, you promised yourself you’d save it for the best time of year, when the blossoms were in full bloom, baby pink petals on display and falling along with the occasional breeze.

you’ve never known what it felt like to be loved wholeheartedly, but you’re certain this is it, as you walk hand in hand with donghyun through a path of cherry blossom trees. with him, you found that every day felt like a scene out of a drama. exiting through the temple’s entrance, you return back to the streets you were now familiar with. there’s a small creamery hidden between a restaurant and convenience store, and you find yourself sitting at a table outside, ice cream slowly melting in their cups in front of you.

“i wish i was cooler when i asked to be your boyfriend. i think about that a lot,” donghyun plays with your fingers across the table before intertwining them with his own. “in all honesty, i was thinking about it for a long time before that day.”

“really?” this was news to you. you knew you had more than platonic feelings for donghyun that night at the dock, but you were surprised to hear he felt the same way as early as you did. it warmed your heart to think he fell in love as quickly as he did.

“yeah. i wanted to do something cool, like surprising you at work with a big bouquet of flowers, or making you your favorite food and hiding a note in it. just anything more interesting than popping the question at a damn fish stall.”

you burst out laughing at the thought of finding a piece of paper in your meal. “it was perfect to me, though. i’m more shocked at the fact you saw me like that for so long, donghyun.” you feel shy suddenly, reminiscing on the way your heart would speed up everytime he walked into the cafe, or when he would walk you back to your apartment after spending the day in the water together.

“i knew you’d be someone important to me the day i noticed you watching me on the beach. i don’t know why, though. maybe it’s just because people don’t really bat an eye when they see me surfing.”

“it was hard not to. i’ve never seen anyone so carefree. i guess i was just jealous of the fact that someone could look like that.” you can’t believe it’s already been a year since you first saw him on the beach. it was almost as if the sea brought the two of you together when the wave he was riding pushed him straight to you.

“i think you look like that when you’re with me,” donghyun’s smiling at his realization. “when i’m with you, it feels like i’m riding a wave that never dies. i’d give up surfing if it meant i could have you by my side forever.” the confession shocks you, knowing how much he loved spending hours at the beach every day, chasing the high he got when he was on his surfboard. you wanted to cry; to think that someone would let go of something that meant the world to them just for you. donghyun thinks he could cry too– to think that he had found you, a person who changed his world in a matter of months, by a stroke of fate.

to donghyun, you moving to busan meant making you a part of his definition of “home”.

taglist: @onedoornet @minwrlds @dongminz (my OG beta readers BTW. <3) @serejae @loserlvrss

@arafilez @nicholasluvbot @0310s @gluion @blumisiu

@woorcve @brachioswrld

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41protons · 1 month ago

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Helloo i would absolutely love to hear more about Ignat Lotti and especially it's backstory :] Also i wanted to mention that i really love your art of it i want to eat the art style

Omg thanks!! You’re welcome to the all-you-can-eat that is my blog. Feast! And now — fuck yeah, it’s rambling time >:3

This post is part 1 of many, prepare yourself! >:3

To start off, let me introduce you to a few more characters vital to this AU.

Mordechai Lotti

Mordechai Lotti (he/him), is Ignat’s father. No he doesn’t have any connection to the Lucases, I just rlly like the name Mordechai. Leave me be. He is an avatar of the Spiral; he deals in façades and confusion. He’s a showman in the same way that a dagger is a kitchen knife: perfectly capable of doing the job, but preferring to put his efforts in other directions. He’s a dreamer; a jolly, gay (both in the sense of sexuality, and the way he goes about life) little man; a cold and distant father figure; a stuck-up rich guy stuck in his office; and many, many more things — each one a façade, and a part of him in equal measure. I realize that that’s a quality more often attributed to the Stranger, but the Spiral and the Stranger are not that different — both are about loss of identity and confusion — and the Entities are an inseparable, amorphous blob of fear, anyway.

Mordechai is schizophrenic — or, at least, he was, back when he was still human. I’m not entirely sure how it works if the hallucinations he has now literally become real — they’re hardly delusions if they’re true. He was born into an ordinary, human middle-class family (with perhaps slightly over imaginative and not careful parents who decided against all odds to name him Mordechai in this day and age). He had been susceptible to quite a bit of bullying from his peers because of the manifestations of his schizophrenia — and at some point, a cruel prank had been played, as a result of which 10-year-old Mordechai would have died, if not for the Spiral. He managed to Become, instead, feeding his assailants to the Distortion, and starting on his journey through the world of fears.

At the age of 23, he met Edna Flottery, a soon-to-be Web avatar (fully described later in the post), with whom he had become great friends from the moment of their meeting, and remained so for the rest of their lives. It is looked down upon, in the world of Fears, to use avatar’s powers to steal money — it’s considered a lowly use of the Entities’ ‘gifts’, hardly serving any sort of higher purpose — but that was exactly what Mordechai and Edna did. Soon enough, they were rolling in dough, ready for the next step in reaching their dream.

And their dream was, as such: to build a world in which the Fears were not locked in a perpetual struggle, but rather, growing stronger and thriving with each other’s help. They had figured out that the Fears could not be separate (the realization started with them going out for lunch together — the lunch in question being people’s fear — and discovering how much fuller it felt to feed together with another monster, of another Entity) — that the presence of different Entities could strengthen each other — and were determined to put that knowledge to use and change the world of Fears.

They had built a home, in which avatars of most Entities were welcome. I say “most” because the Corruption and the Hunt could not be negotiated with, so they tried to avoid the two at all costs. Hey, I never said their plan was perfect. They had struck alliances with separate avatars, organizations like the People’s Church, and even families like the Fairchilds (yes I know they are a family only in the name and the power they serve, but it’s a sort of found family, which is like, my favorite trope, so I’m calling it that. Bite me.), believing in safety and strength in numbers — so that if one (one avatar, one organization, one Entity) had decided to turn on them, they would be backed by the rest. Soon enough, they had built an empire.

The song I associate most with Mordechai: A Million Dreams. I imagine Edna would be the second voice at the end :3

Edna Flottery

And here’s our beloved Spider! Edna (she/her) is an avatar of the Web, a sweetheart and a lesbian. Mordechai’s best friend; Ignat’s proper parental figure (have I already mentioned that Mordechai is a distant father? Yeah, he’s not the best child-person); a manipulative bitch; a true lady — you name it, she’s been it. She used to be the kind of girl who had blackmail for everyone in high school. She used to be the kind of child who hid their mischievous endeavors behind an angelic-looking face. She is, through and through, a true Spider.

At age 19, Edna met Mordechai in college. They weren’t taking any classes together — the age difference meant they were doing completely different courses — but their schedules matched in terms of most study periods. They got chatting, found each other quite interesting, made plans to meet outside of studying… eventually, they would become very Alastor-and-Rosie (from Hazbin Hotel) coded. Eventually, they would become great friends. Mordechai didn’t tell her of his true nature at first; of course not. He may have been delusional, but not a fool. Eventually, he accidentally made it so one of his hallucinations came to life in a flurry of illusion, and Edna demanded an explanation. Thankfully, she was more curious than she was intimidated; Mordechai could hardly ask for more.

A few months later, Edna had to have a serious surgery done. I… really haven’t given much thought as to what kind of surgery it would be, but it doesn’t matter. That was when she had her first encounter with a real Fear Entity: the Flesh. Her surgeon (or what had pretended to be one — I guess we’ll never know whether the thing was actually qualified to perform surgery) had, for reasons known only to the Flesh and its avatars, given her a few more limbs than necessary… specifically, four limbs more than she already had. Perhaps it sensed how tightly the Web had wrapped itself around the girl, and was trying to appeal to what she had so much potential to become; perhaps it was its sick idea of fun. We will never know whether the thing that was trying to pass for a human surgeon actually performed the operation it was meant to, because Edna had woken up quite a while before the end of the surgery, and, overcome with terror of what had been done to her body (grasping at what little control she had left in the situation, wishing, so desperately, for more) Became a part of the Web. She puppeteered the Flesh avatar and made it kill itself on the spot; not very creative of her, I admit, but then again: she had only just begun her journey. She would be getting way more creative with her future victims, that’s for sure.

Being so heavily marked by the Flesh, Edna gained minor shapeshifting abilities: namely, the ability to change her limbs into other kinds of limbs, in any way and any order, as long as there were always exactly 8 of them. This means she could have 3 pairs of arms and 2 legs; 3 pairs of legs & 2 arms; with quite a bit of practice, 8 spider legs, or 6 spider legs and two arms — like a sort of spider-centaur; and an endless number more different variations.

She is of caring nature; quite prim, and rather classy; and yet still possesses a snarky and sharp character. I’d say she is the Mary Poppins of the monster world ;}

Ignat Lotti

Ignat (it/its) is an avatar of the Vast, an alloaro lesbian, and, in its own words, a “creature”. It is goth, but in a slightly more classy way than, say, Gerry. It is Mordechai’s daughter and heir to the House of Lotti — although it doesn’t expect to inherit much, what with its father being a possibly-immortal avatar and all.

Circumstances of Ignat’s birth: Mordechai had a transgender male lover, who had born Ignat. At some point, the two would have to have gotten a rather messy break-up, given that said lover is completely absent from either Ignat’s or Mordechai’s life — maybe they’re dead, I wouldn’t know. The fact remains, that Ignat does not have a second parent. I think it would be rather interesting if they weren’t dead and Ignat was to meet them by accident, when they’re already an adult or at least an older teen; it would be a curious scene.

Ignat became an avatar at the meager age of 8, and was very excited to do so. This is because of the way it was raised; or, more precisely, the general culture of the ever-growing House of Lotti. Basically, Mordechai and Edna had this wonderful idea: to make sure that avatars would be formed from a younger age, and to train them with all the entities that would like to support the newly-formed servants of fear. To do so, they had made sure that every child or adolescent that made it into their humble abode — family of an avatar, a plaything of an avatar who would just become food if they hadn’t bargained for the human’s relative freedom, a random village kid spending a lot of time with the kitchen staff — was strongly encouraged to become an avatar. They provided the young humans with not-so-traumatic opportunities to familiarize themselves with the Entities, taught them to take pride in serving one, and celebrated every newly formed avatar. When a child — Ignat — was born into the family, it was, naturally, treated quite the same — if not more so.

Now, Ignat was the first child to actually be born into the family (and yes, I’m calling Mordechai and Edna family, because after so many years, and building a home together, even if they had never been in any way romantically involved, that’s kind of what they have become. Fight me about my found family tropes, go on). The others, however welcome — and despite Mordechai not being much of a children person, he had made sure they were welcome — would come and go, but Ignat was the first one to actually live there, permanently (until it would move out, that is). Which could mean… possibly, quite a lot of trouble.

Anywho, Ignat knew that it was destined for the Vast from the very first time Simon Fairchild agreed to take it for a joyride. It had worked consistently towards their Becoming, and finally Became one overcast, windy day, when it leapt off a cliff into potentially freezing waters for the first time in its life. With a scream of “you can have me, I am yours!”, 8-year-old Ignat didn’t quite vanish into thin air as much as it was eaten by it.

Its pronoun and gender revelation would come to it only a few days later, over a (human) breakfast shared with its father (despite technically not needing to eat, Mordechai enjoys it quite a lot, and at the time, Ignat was still in the happbit of doing so regularly). It had asked Mordechai, “Father, I’ve been thinking. Am I human?” To which Mordechai answered with an explanation of how humanity is just a label and that Ignat could choose to be as human as it wanted to be. Ignat thought about it for a while, and then told him that it thinks it’s actually a creature, and would like to go by it/its pronouns, if that’s alright by him. In response, Mordechai barely raised an eyebrow, shrugged and said, “Alright. I think we can do that.”

Ignat’s Becoming was celebrated and boasted about — it being the youngest avatar in recorded history, and everything. Ignat itself was overjoyed to find it could access a whole new, and quite endless, realm; it was slightly less overjoyed by the revelation that it absolutely had to chuck people into it (less out of moral concern, and more out of that territoriality children tend to feel about absolutely everything), but after a description of what would happen if it didn’t, did so without question.

It then had proceeded to test the limits of its newfound abilities not unlike how one would test the charge of an electric socket with a metal fork; that said, Edna only had to rescue Ignat from falling into an active volcano once. Given that it had easy access to representatives of all kinds of entities, Mordechai and Edna had arranged it so Ignat would study and train with (and against) different Powers. Ignat’s main ability (not including the usual Vast stuff — like chucking people into the endless sky) is controlling the distance around them. My headcanon is that every avatar has a bit of a different kind of flavor to their power — so if Mike Crew makes people feel a strong sense of vertigo, Ignat doesn’t normally do that. Instead, it unconsciously makes objects and people move farther away from it wherever it finds itself (and it requires conscious control to stop it from doing so) and, if it actually focuses, it can do so on purpose, utilizing this ability in a variety of different ways. For example, Ignat can take a point on an object — say, a book — another point on the table the book lies on, and increase the distance between the two points, causing the book to levitate above the table.

A little elaboration on how its powers work: if the table was standing on a trampoline, then not only would the book levitate, but the table would also be pushed downwards. Ignat has to make quite a few calculations to make sure it manipulates the objects’ distance from each other in exactly the way it wants to. All of this means it has to practice a lot to fully utilize its abilities :]

The Cook

A usually nameless figure (except that her name is Marinette, or Mari) the Cook (she/they) becomes a regularly occurring background character in Ignat’s life… Just as little Ignat becomes a regularly occurring annoyance in Mari’s.

The Cook is a retired Russian spy, settled down into a job that allows her to escape her past and go properly into hiding. But wait! She’s not actually a Russian spy! Indeed, that’s just a mask. She’s a French spy playing the long game by pretending to be a Russian spy… so caught up in the web of lies that in the end it was for the best to exit the game altogether. Except that no, that’s not true either! She’s an identity thief, pretending to be a Russian spy pretending to be a French spy, and her only motivation for it is “rascality, pure rascality”. At the moment she’s on the run from both governments, but she expects that in a few years she will be able to re-enter the game.

The Cook is not French. And her name is not Marinette.

She is the oldest member of staff in the House. Strangely resilient to The Horrors, nonplussed, and determined more than anything to keep her humanity and do her job, she is a fearsome woman. With a seemingly endless coming and going of easily traumatized assistants, she is the Gertrude Robinson of the kitchen. Her cooking is delicious, snd the manner in which she goes about life is vicious. It’s a miracle, honestly, that she hasn’t yet been claimed by one Entity or another.

That said, there’s a strict rule, applying to both the habitants and the visitors of the House, against purposefully feeding on the staff (that doesn’t help a few accidents, and the more religious or superstitious people get terrified by the smallest things — sometimes to a downright disrespectful level: Nicola Orsinov is an esteemed guest, and her face, or lack thereof, is hardly something to scream and run away to hide in an empty room, shaking with terror, about!). There are a few other rules, such as: do not set fires in the library; clean up, or call the cleaning personnel, if something you do leaves a lot of grime behind (including dirt, gore, and unidentifiable materials which don’t seem to abide by the rules of Euclidean geometry — that one is directed at the Spiral); don’t you dare lay a finger on Ignat outside of scheduled training; wipe your feet before entering from the street.

There is, also, the mater of the Sigil. The Sigil is a stark, easily identifiable mark created by Mordechai with the help of an avatar of the Beholding (and, obviously, his own Spiral abilities) used to signify to any avatar or monster that if they lay a finger, prehensile leg, weapon, or telepathic strike on a ‘Sigilled’ person, they will suffer the consequences of Mordechai, Edna, or their various allies’ rage. Ignat is sigilled until it turns 18, allowing it to wreck all kinds of mischief with little consequence until then.

Now, it’s rather obvious that with all of their identity shenanigans, the Cook should definitely belong to the Stranger. Nicola Orsinov had once laid her eyes on them, and immediately had become obsessed with claiming them for her own — except that Mari is incredibly resilient and all Nicola’s efforts prove to be futile. It becomes a sort of one-sided obsession bordering on attraction from Nicola’s side; but for the Cook, the scary, sexy mannequin lady who sometimes visits — rarely sporting any skin — is just another Fear-related nuisance. I kinda ship them >:3

In general, Mari is very resilient to the Fears. After a few months working there, Mordechai had called her into his office and filled them in on the Powers and all that, even offering to help them join some entity or another, but she refused. She is utterly disinterested in the “cult nonsense” everybody around her seems to be knee-deep in, but won’t resign because, well… this job pays incredibly well, asks no questions, and allows her to pursue her culinary passion. Once, a few men in black suits, whose faces she could swear she’s seen before somewhere back in Russia, turned up at the doorstep; at the time, an avatar of the Beholding (from the Usher Foundation, maybe? I don’t have a name for him yet, but he’s a recurring character) was visiting, and it took him only a glance to discern that the men had come for Mari. He had winked at her as he passed her in the corridor leading to the tower (where the Vast avatars likes to reside) and dropped the knowledge that they didn’t have to run — and yes, she already had her duffel bag in hand — right into her head. As she stood there, stunned, he’s called for someone, and soon enough, the men in black suits were gone, never to be seen again.

Needless to say, there are very few persons of the household staff who manage to stay for longer than a few months, so the Cook is highly appreciated and respected among all. Eventually — after something especially unsavory Nicola had pulled — she agrees to be sigilled (and yes, her life becomes much easier, and no, she will not be joining one of your cults, Mr Lotti).

Right! I couldn’t wait any longer to post this, so this just about wraps up part 1! I’m open to questions and to chat about my au. Feel free to tell me about your tma OCs too, we can compare and share and do collabs! :3

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opertabry · 2 years ago

Text

| notes; 34. yes? no? ( half written )

[ synopsis; there’s a cute girl that always sleeps in your intro pysch class. she just so happens to be ginger AND your dorm neighbor ]

YES? NO?;

haerin,

you said freesias were your favourite flowers, so i got some for you! hope you like them :)

i heard normal freesias symbolise friendship and trust, but i don’t really like that. i don’t think that fits us. white freesias symbolise innocence and purity; fits us a little more, don’t ya think? they’re also used a lot in wedding ceremonies (could be us one day). nah i’m kidding. unless..?

um this is kinda awkward for me, so bear with me please. you know, intro pysch wasn’t the first time i noticed you. i remember seeing you for the first time when we were in high school actually, i never knew who were, just knew that you were that one cute girl from the class down the hall. cute girl from down the hall. has a ring to it, no? and when we got into college, i was kinda glad when i saw you. i was really relieved to see a familiar face, even though we never ended up talking. then i saw you were in my intro pysch class, like what are the odds of that? okay, i’m stalling.

haerin, i think you’ve realised this but i really like you. crazy how this started from me just writing notes for you. well, i mean i’ll still write them for you if you want, i won’t stop. unless you tell me to, which i think would be dumb, because as much as i like you.. you’re kinda failing. no judgement, i swear, just an observation. okay, i’m ranting again. well? is it really considered ranting if i’m writing this? like wouldn’t ranting mean im saying it? okay i’ll stop im sorry. i mena it though, i really like you. it’s okay if you don’t like me back, i just wanted you to know.

with love,

y/n <3

as she read the letter, the soft smile that haerin sported kept on widening - which didn’t go unnoticed by her dormmate (unfortunately for her, not for you though).

you jumped up from where you were sitting on the couch, earning a shriek from hanni and sprinted towards your room. you ripped a piece of paper out of your notebook, grinning as you scribbled messily;

be my gf?

[ ] yes [ ] no

leaning back to admire your work (it really wasn’t that impressive), you felt a rush of happiness, a flight of butterflies released into your stomach. you folded the note before you jogged back into your living room, reaching for the door knob.

“y/n, what the fuck was that? you scared me, asshole. wait, where are you going?”

“haerin.” that seemed to be enough of an explanation for hanni as she let out an approving hum and turned to resume scrolling on her phone. she’s a weird one, you thought.

you walked over to the dorm next door and plopped yourself down on the floor. you slid the note under the door, something you’ve done countless times before - but this time it was different. leaning your back onto the door, you heard squeals from the other side. now that was definitely danielle. you started grinning and quietly laughing to yourself, gaining some judging looks from students walking down the dorm halls. but you didn’t care because haerin likes you back. you felt like you were back in high school again, the giddy feeling returning as you felt a nudge near your hand, a note being pushed onto your side of the door. you rushed to unfold it;

be my gf?

[x] yes [ ] no

“oh my fucking god.”

[ previous | masterlist | next ]

[taglist] @rd0265667 @kyaitosz @haerinkisser @sserajeans @limbforalimb @brocoliisscared

i’m a liar! (not rlly) but i have like one week off school bcs i’m sick and i just finished a maths test today. so a lil break for me before chaos 😞 BUT!! ik how i’m ending this now, i think next chapter will be the end.

#haerin x reader #smau #newjeans x reader #newjeans #lesserafim x reader #idol au #kang haerin #kang haerin x reader #newjeans haerin #lesserafim #ive

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scaryspears · 2 years ago

Note

Hey I was wondering I rlly love Liu kang x bimbo reader

CAN YOU MAKE IT INTO A SERIES PLZ AN HAVE THE READER CALL HIM LIU LIU?! 🙆🏽🙇🏽‍♀️

Hey, sorry it took a long time to write this. I'm not sure if I'll make this into a series, but here is an attempt. I hope you enjoy.

Warning: I don't write NSFW but there is some sexual references and hints.

"Why don't you try raspberry?"

Liu didn't understand makeup one bit, but his attempt to help you choose colours was very endearing. Raspberry was his favourite lipgloss to see on you. Maybe it was the shade. Maybe it was the taste.

"Anything for you, Liu Liu."

What was even more endearing was seeing his reactions to your little nickname for him. The way he would blush and get all shy was so adorable.

If shopping and crushing the dreams of losers wasn't on your to do list then smothering Liu Liu with kisses certainly was, which was everyday.

"Are you going to keep talking to us with a serious face even though you haven't washed your face?" Johnny would often ask Liu, or something along those lines.

You knew your kiss marks were like a trophy to him, so it made you flutter whenever he showed them off proudly to his students. If you truly had your way you would stick yourself to his side.

To say you two were an odd couple was just the beginning of the observation. You shared nothing in common, and both of you had a different outlook on life. And in another life, maybe he would hate your guts. Thankfully that wasn't the case.

"I love this perfume of yours." his voice was a bit muffled from where his face was digging into your neck.

There was a hungry look in his eyes, and somehow you could tell there was something going on in his mind. Normally you wouldn't mind, but there was something different. It wasn't the usual softness, he was possessive. There was an intent behind that possessiveness and you just had to know what.

"Is there something on your mind?" you asked him.

"Flower, I've been wondering-" he started, which made you alert for what he would say next. "If we should make changes to ourselves."

That was one way to word it, and Liu Kang's words came out wrong when his romantic feelings were intense, an adorable tick of his.

"What kind of changes?" you asked him, batting your eyes.

His face was all flushed, and you could hear his heart beating. "I've been considering the two of us... how we should go about this. Since we've been intimate, I was thinking of courting you."

Courting was different to dating. Courting meant looking for marriage.

"You want to make things official?" you started to grin, "Aw, Liu Liu." you smothered him with kisses again. This time it wasn't just his face.

A time lord could handle a lot, but you always surprised him with your energy. This time it was your turn to be surprised.

As you lay in the bed you felt like the wind had been knocked out of you, and Liu Liu was still up and about.

"Darling, do you just want to court me?" you asked him.

He came over to the bed and kissed your cheek, "I wish for much more." his eyes trailed over to your stomach but he quickly averted his eyes.

He wanted permission to do that to you. To have that with you. You weren't too young, and you weren't old. For whatever reason you felt honoured that he saw you that way. None of your past partners could picture you as anything other than a girlfriend. Sometimes you were even an experiment, to see how long the pretty girl lasted before she lost her mind drowning herself in makeup.

There was just something endearing about Liu Kang wanting more. It made your knees weak, and your hands twitch in eagerness.

"I do." you smiled, as if at a wedding, which you have always wanted to experience at least once but never got to consider.

"I do too." he returned, immediately understanding the vows you made to him.

For two people with grace and decorum it didn't occur that a ring should be present.

#liu kang x bimbo reader #bimbo reader #mortal kombat #liu kang #mk1 #mk12

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pumpkinsy0 · 5 months ago

Note

In honor of me being the first person in my family to stand up to a toxic family member a few days ago can I get some hcs for curly standing up to a toxic family member? Possibly to defend Tim pretty pretty please? Maybe like the complex emotions that come with that as well??

i hope ur ok!!! i was in the same position and bc of my age i felt like they just see me as the more problematic child but WHATEVVVERRRRR the arguing was worth it idc idc im respecting myself and i hope ur doing the same and feeling great!!!! if ur not, i hope u feel so in the future<333 i am rooting in ur corner🗣️🗣️🗣️

ALSO IM SOOOOO GLAD U ASKED THIS BC I NEEDED TO RANT ABOUT A PART OF THIS AT SOME POINT IN TIME🙏🏽🙏🏽

to start off i rlly do think curlys theeeee biggest family man out of the whole shepard family for the simple fact that he doesnt rlly understand that u can have boundaries when it comes to family. not to say that tim and angela DONT value family, ofc they do, but only a small portion of it and thats not something curlys totally down w. out of the shepards hes the MOST hopeful to have one big happy family, hes the only one who deeply loves their mom and while he doesnt love his current stepdad and doesnt love his bio dad, hes still hopeful that at some point his mom WILL find that guy, she will find love and their family will b happy and everything in fall in place!! no matter how many times angela and tim tell him thats never gonna happen and that they should focus on themselves, focus on what theyve got goin on. tim and angela=small family accepters, curly=bigger family wanter basically

personally, i dont think curly will ever stop being a mamas boy completely, its just never gonna happen never ever in a million years, maybe he takes a step back from her and doesnt look up to her as much, but she will still occupy space in his head. so while yea technically he stands up to her when hes older, it wasnt that confrontational, more like a years long battle of acceptance he had w himself, and something tells me thats notttt what u r here to listen to so this will be about curly andddd father figures (minus tim). SO curlys just as suspicious as tim and angela r when their mom gets into a new relationship bc she seems to hop from one guy to another pretty quick, thing about curly tho is hes more open to them!! maybe hes finally “the one”. hes still protective of his family but willing to open up, always telling angela “he could be different”.

wellll for this one guy, he started off pretty well, took care what needed to b taken cared of, payed bills, seemed to care about curly, didnt hit his mom, bare minimum things. he even got along w angela (BARELY, but honestly plus everything else it was a milestone no other older guy has done so hey big bonus points for this guy). the one main problem??? he did notttt get along w tim at ALL, they r always at odds w each other, sizing each other up, talking badly about each other behind their backs (sometimes not, just acting like they werent there) things of that nature. the guy lets call him, idk john (no normal guy is named john, NOT johnny) is hostile towards tim cause HE wants to b seen as “the man of the house” like how tim is, but tim just wonttt give it up!!! tim is just tim, hes not doing anything wrong in this instance, he is genuinely just defending himself which john dont like at all. THATTTT is what makes curly hesitant to fully accept him, curly wants a happy family but he still puts angela and tim over that want at the end of the day, theyre the only thing curly has ALL guaranteed for himself.

everytime john tries to get curly to go against tim it leaves a bad taste in curlys mouth, so he “disobeys” him. tim appreciates it but i dont think he would put it against curly to go w john, he doesnt like it and doesnt agree, he would prefer if curly kept listening to him instead, but he gets curlys just a desperate kid looking to belong, as stupid as he thinks he can b. curlys gonna come back running to him in the end no matter what, thats what hes always done. ANYWAYS it would all boil over at some point when he tries to kick out tim out and it gets a lilllll physical, dishes r thrown, someones thrown outside, and then jacob threatens to kick tim out (like its HIS house mannn😭😭), which sets curly AWF. curlys like a lil guard dog for tim, so as soon as jacob lost all his “control” amongst those kids, he just dipped.

and their mom was sooooo pissed and NOOOBBOODDYYYY took it harder than curly, his mom was going off on him especially bc he was the easiest target to hurt. curly spent weeks looking down on himself for it, for destroying “what couldve been” even though he knew its what he felt like was right!! hes not gonna go on a full blown depressive episode, but he cant look his mom in the eyes and doesnt even come home half the time, at LEAST to sleep. tim and angela have stood uo to their moms shitty bfs numerous times before but this is the first time HES specifically done it, so dare i say, i dont think tim and angela help curly much days after the fight!!! when they do it they move on quickly, but curlys not like them and they dont know what to do, they think hes overreacting and tell him to just move on from it already, whats done is done and hes gone, wallowing wont get him anywhere. they dont mostly feel bad for what curly feels, they feel bad that he feels bad for THIS long

#curly shepard #tim shepard #angela shepard

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confused-alienated · 8 months ago

Text

Pinky promise

Summary: Spooky has something to show Tyler.

Tw: GRAPHIC SELF HARM (Take care of yourself)

Notes: I wrote this a couple of days ago whilst half asleep. This is a vent fic tbh and it's rlly weird. I hope this does better on here bcs it got buried on Ao3. Enjoy!

Word count: 1,407

Link to the og fic here.

---

Josh and Tyler were having a sleepover. It had been a really nice night, in Tyler's opinion. Tyler knew that Josh would agree.

The two had ordered takeaway before settling onto Tyler's sofa and watching a film, Fight club. Josh had chosen since he had paid.

Although it was his favourite, Josh had quickly fallen asleep. They were barely halfway through the film when rimmed-red, too-large brown eyes blinked open.

"Josh?"

"Not Josh!" Spooky Jim grinned then nuzzled Tyler. Tyler would never get over how cuddly Spooky was.

"Hey, Spooks," Tyler pulled Spooky into his side. Spooky hummed happily. "We're watching fight club."

"Yay!" Spooky smiled, "I love this movie!"

"I know you do, Spooky."

The two had settled back down, Spooky Jim cuddled up to Tyler.

As the film ended, Tyler could feel himself drifting off. His eyes involuntary closed and he leaned into Spooky.

"Tyyyyler," Spooky drew out and shook Tyler awake.

"Yeah?" Tyler replied, grogily.

"I wanna-" Spooky giggled to himself softly. "I wanna show you something!"

Tyler ruffled Spooky's hair, "Uh-huh, let's see then."

"You can't- can't tell Josh though. Promise, otherwise I can't show you," Spooky shakily held out his pinky, "Pinky promise me, Tyty."

Tyler huffed, 'Tyty', that was new.

It was an odd request but Tyler figured that there were loads of things that Blurryface didn't want him to know. This couldn't be that different. Tyler decided that if it was dangerous then he'd tell Josh. Tyler locked his pinky with Spooky's, "Pinky promise, I won't tell Josh."

Spooky smiled wider than Tyler had ever seen. Tyler swore that if Josh smiled like that he'd tear the corners of his mouth. It looked painful. Tyler jumped when Spooky began shaking his hand, still holing onto his pinky finger. Spooky frantically bobbed their hands up and down with such force Tyler thought Spooky could've pulled his hand clean off.

Tyler placed his hand over Spooky's, "Alright, alright. Let's see what you have then."

Spooky beamed again. He shifted away from Tyler and fumbled with the button of Josh's trousers.

Okay..? That was a bit odd. Tyler ignored how Spooky angrily muttered about hating Josh's clothes and Josh in general.

Maybe Josh just got a new tattoo, or Spooky did, Tyler tried to rationalise.

It wasn't a tattoo.

Spooky's thighs were covered in scars. Tyler's stomach dropped and his blood ran cold. He placed a hand over his mouth to stop himself from throwing up.

"Aren't they nice!" Again with that smile.

Had Spooky done this or did Josh?

As if Spooky could read Tyler's mind he answered, "I usually get Joshie to do this. He doesn't love it as much as I do but I can forgive him!" Spooky chirped.

Tyler shuddered as Spooky ignored his stunned silence. Spooky pointed at a particularly thick scar. He thinks it's called a keloid, raised and pinky-brown against Spooky's pale thigh. It's surrounded by many others, varying in length and thickness. Tyler thinks it might be the longest.

"I did this one!" Spooky traced it up and down, "You should have seen Josh afterwards!" Spooky spoke quickly, he kept interrupting himself with his own laughter. "He was- was sobbing like crazy! He kept begging me to make it stop and of-of course I handed him a blade and control. You should have seen the blood, Tyty. It was so pretty."

Tyler could barely register what was happening around him. He was in shock. Spooky was sat right next to him, describing how he tortured Josh like it was his favourite thing in the world. Maybe it was.

The world felt fuzzy around him, Spooky's happy chirping being drowned out by the ringing in his ears. Tyler stared at Spooky's thighs in horror.

The scars. Spooky's thighs were covered, they criss-crossed over each other. There were faded, white lines, raised pink bumps, small scabs that had obviously been picked at, fresh, red lines and gashes and blood. Dried blood drowned Spooky's thighs. It flaked off as Spooky's fingers danced around his thigh.

Tyler barely came back to himself as Spooky removed Josh's phone case. Spooky fiddled around for a second before pulling out a small, silver blade.

Tyler's blood somehow grew colder, maybe he'd freeze from the inside out. That's how he was now, frozen.

"Watch this," Spooky mock-whispered, a hand cupped around his mouth. Tyler could only watch in horror as Spooky dragged the blade down his thigh. He traced over scars with the blade, cutting deeper and deeper and-

Tyler's body reacted faster than his brain could process. He gripped Spooky's hands, forcing them away from his leg, Josh's leg.

"Stop!" Tyler said too loud. He snatched the blade from Spooky.

Spooky frowned, "Why? Do you want a turn? It's okay you can use my blade, Tyty!"

Tyler's stomach flipped, "N-no. I'm alright, thank you."

"Oh," Spooky said darkly, "are you... Jealous?"

"What!?"

"You're jealous of me," Spooky declared, "Don't worry though, I can help you!"

Tyler gasped and swiftly pocketed the blade, "Oh- Oh my-!" He turned and leaned over the edge of the sofa, vomiting onto the floor.

Tyler coughed a few times and wiped his mouth, he was vaugly aware of how Spooky was staring at him. His too-large eyes burned holes into Tyler's back.

"Can I have my blade back?" Spooky asked plainly, "Unless you want to use it?"

Tyler answered by throwing up again.

"Alright," Spooky muttered. Tyler shakily turned around to face him. He stared at Spooky's leg. Blood was steadily dripping down it, Tyler could only watch as the blood binded with the fabric of his sofa.

Spooky studied Tyler's shaking form. Tyler was hugging himself with one arm, his other hand was firmly over the pocket that held Spooky's blade. He was panting, maybe he would be sick again? As he thought, Spooky traced the blood around on his thigh.

A look of realisation passed on Spooky's face, "Oh, I get it," Spooky said in a sickly sweet tone, "You don't like blood. I'm sorry, Tyty. Blurry was exactly the same when I showed him." Spooky looked disappointed, Tyler thought he was going to throw up again.

"Yeah," Tyler struggled out, "Yeah, I don't like blood."

"Awwh," Spooky frowned, "I'm sorry, Tyty. I'll just show the scars next time." Spooky placed a bloody hand on Tyler's upper arm. He ignored how Tyler shivered under his touch.

Tyler's ability to speak had abandoned him again but Spooky didn't seem to mind. He happily yapped about blood and Josh and Blurry.

Blurryface.

Spooky said that Blurryface didn't like this either. Tyler knew that lately Blurryface had lost his lust for Tyler's blood. He reflected on how Blurryface had stopped telling Tyler to hurt himself. Recently, they had been cooking and Tyler had sliced his finger open on one of the knives. Blurryface had disinfected and wrapped the wound with confidence. He had tended to wounds before... Spooky's wounds.

Spooky was slowing down, leaning heavily into Tyler. Tyler became painfully aware of just how late it was.

"Come on," Tyler shakily spoke, "Let's clean you up, yeah?"

Spooky nodded, "Okay! Usually Blur does this for me but I guess he's asleep right now, isn't he?"

Tyler nodded, not trusting his voice, and pulled Spooky to his feet. He led him to his bedroom and pulled out his make-shift 'self-harm kit'. He hadn't had to use it in so long, the majority of the plasters were expired.

The clean up was quick, Tyler tried and failed to not pay too much attention to the way the congealed blood felt under the wipe as it clung to Spooky's leg hairs. The fresher blood felt smoother, slick, as the wipe absorbed it. Tyler pulled out a disinfectant wipe.

"This is gonna sting," he weakly warned.

Spooky hummed then hissed when the wipe made contact with the wound.

"You're not as gentle as Blurry," Spooky whined.

"I know, I'm sorry. I don't usually do this," Tyler finished up then gently tapped Spooky's leg, "all done."

"Thanks!" Spooky pulled Tyler into a bone-crushing hug.

Tyler was firmly pressed against Spooky's chest. No- not Spooky's, Josh's. Tyler's cheeks burnt red. Tyler decided that he would deal with his feelings later. He wrestled Spooky into a more comfortable position, letting Spooky get comfortable in his side.

Spooky's breathing evened put a few minutes later. Tyler breathed a sigh of relief.

Tyler didn't sleep that night.

#twenty one pilots #tyler joseph #spooky jim #josh dun #blurryface

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are-you--cereal · 1 year ago

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SoOoo seeing as i played the quarry recently…

THIS GAME WAS CRAY CRAYY!!!

alsooo this is my opinion - and is ofc going to be based on my play through which may be different from yours!!

i rlly enjoyed it!!! but… i wayyyy preferred until dawn, (sorry to compare the twooo) it was great - but i felt like the story was all over the place, could’ve just been me not finding every clue, which i didn’t miss too many i think i missed like 2 hackett family clues, 2/3 camp clues, like 3 freak show clues. oops!! personally i felt like there was so much going on at once, i found the whole freak show thing to be super unexplained and rushed?? the tarot cards felt kind of out of place, but saying that, i loved that they were included - thought it was a super unique and fun touch that did kind of pull in the whole freak show/ fortune teller vibe. i think they could’ve made that a bit more prevalent tho, as it was sort of a side note and i understand that it was like something none of the characters knew abt, but i found it so odd that it wasn’t discussed like at all?! or even just discussed more later, towards the end after finding more of the clues so that they were learning along the way with us!! the end was so rushed in my opinion like travis had been hunting silas for 6 years and never found him, but with laura and ryan they just stumbled across him?! and put all the clues together like that?! so weird to me. also the hag of hacketts quarry loved her - but it just was like so weird - you have werewolves and a silas’s ghost mum hanging abt. she was a good inclusion - as it ties in to the tarot cut scenes, but idk just felt a bit unnecessary - as in my opinion it doesn’t further the plot too much and she’s just there for more jump scares.

and it felt like more of a film than a game yk?? also it was kinda janky looking like their necks moved freakishly lol

anywhooo loved the whole gang and i managed to keep everyone -playable- alive YIPPEE!! BUTTTT what rlly annoyed me was that even tho i got alllll the evidence the gang was arrested, yeah they were let out but wtff?!

tbh i’m gonna try and play again and get all the clues!! if you have any opinions that differ pls share id love to hear <3

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lycan-troth · 1 year ago

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I'm so confused by the asexual spectrum, and I mean that respectfully. There's so many variations that I can't keep up with them. I've tried to understand what they are, but I've not been able to find anything that explains them simply and clearly.

Before ppl get mad or offended... I'm saying this bcs I think I could be on the spectrum, but bcs it's so confusing, I can't tell if I am or not. I just want to see simple explanations, but I can't wrap my head around all the different versions. So, I was hoping someone knowledgeable on the subject could suggest what I could be? I'm lesbian and she/they, so I understand those parts of my identity, just for some subtext. I'm just stumbling on how I (don't) experience attraction.

So, I'm 22, and I have no experience with intimacy or romance. Though, that's mainly bcs I haven't had the opportunities. I'd never be intimate with a stranger or a friend. I've only been in love once. I've only felt significant attraction to maybe 4 or 5 people? I usually catch myself trying to see if I find anyone attractive, and it often feels forced bcs the high majority of ppl I see are not attractive to me. I observe ppl, trying to find elements of them that might spark something in me, but nothing happens. I've tried to force crushes on myself before, and it just feels desperate and lonely. I feel no genuine attraction. Just indifference. It bothers me. I want to feel attraction more often, but I don't.

A good thing is that I'm not someone who's usually considered attractive. I'm cute and innocent-like, but nothing more. I'm basically that one friend everyone assumes is innocent and kind like a kid, and no one decent is interested in that. And that's okay, bcs I don't find anyone around me attractive, haha. It's just lonely. The few times I've been attracted to someone has always been really overwhelming for me. I've literally gone weak in the knees and almost fallen over bcs I saw a rlly attractive girl. But always, when I've felt attraction, I've also been afraid. I've often joked to myself that if i feel intimidated by a girl and she hasn't done anything to warrant that response, then she's just really pretty.

I have never approached anyone I've found very attractive bcs it just seems rlly weird to me. Plus, I always don't know them, or they're seeing someone, and I'm always an anxious wreck. In general, I can not recognise flirting or subtle things. I'm autistic and while my social skills aren't bad, they only go so far, lol. So, maybe someone has tried flirting before, and I just thought they were being nice? That's why I don't do subtle. The ppl in my life know that I don't play games. If I have a problem with someone, I'd tell them. If I'm happy spending time with someone, I let them know. I tell a few ppl I love them, that's a big thing for me. I like directness, but I know lots of ppl struggle with it. However, for me, I need it to be able to understand the full picture properly. Idk why so many ppl like playing weird cat and mouse games. Someone said it was to be mysterious or to not show 'too much' interest. That to me is just stupid and childish. I get feeling scared of rejection, but I don't like it when ppl mess around. It's impolite to play with someone's feelings, making them question whether you like them or not. It just breeds insecurity and doubt. To me, it's unattractive and boring. It's not romantic. But that's just me, and I'm often enough the odd one out.

Anyway, it is not often I feel attraction. Ppl are usually boring. I have felt that a few ppl were cute during brief interactions, so if those continued, perhaps that sort of feeling could have developed. I'm open to marriage with the right person, but only if they're The One. I'd only date someone if I knew them well enough, but I'm not open to dating casually. I feel very intensely about most things, and I have been in love once. It was an online relationship. I loved her very much and only wanted her happiness and comfort. I hadn't meant to fall in love, and I'd never intended to have an online relationship. But I loved her, and that changed my mind. When she broke up with me, I accepted it and comforted her about it. I mentioned that I was sad about it, naturally, but I didn't say much more than that. I understood it was difficult and upsetting for her to break up, so I respected her decision and minimalised communicating the extent of how upset I felt. I did that because telling her wouldn't be a kindness or productive. It would only make her feel more upset and guilty. We're still friends. I always thought ppl were being dramatic when they said that first loves were devastating or sad. I loved and was loved in return, which makes the experience worth it. I hope to find love again, someday.

I like the idea of romance and comfort, but obtaining it isn't so simple. However, I refuse to settle for less than what I want. On the other hand: intimacy. I'm not upset that I've never done anything. Sure, in theory, I'd like to have a bit of experience, but I don't, and that's okay. My hand does the trick for me just fine, so I'm not frustrated at all. If I had a partner, in theory, I believe if I trusted them enough, we might do something together, but in reality? Idk, but I like the idea of it.

That's all I can think of to mention. So, if someone could make a suggestion or something, I'd appreciate it. Even if it's just to tell me that I'm not part of the asexual spectrum, and I'm just an introverted, anxious, autistic, lesbian who's suffering under the devastation that is other ppl's commitment issues. That'd be fine. I'm just feeling lost and would appreciate a kind word of reassurance.

#asexual #asexual spectrum #romance #advice #what even am i #lesbian #she/they #if anyone has any suggestions #lgbtqia

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plumspider · 9 months ago

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Okay so this whole thing is me ranting and summarising all the stuff I’ve been through this year :)

I feel like I do have mother issues but they’re different to everyone else’s and I can never find anything talking about it that I actually relate to and that kinda makes me feel like I’m being dramatic.

I love my mum and she loves me too. I think. But she doesn’t always like me. And I don’t always like her. I feel like she just makes stuff up that I’ve done and is just mad at me for no reason. At some point she got it into her head that I am unhelpful and rude and now that is what she tells me whenever I do anything ever. She always talks about my tone, which btw only started once I told her that in RSHE I was learning about how teenagers can’t control their tone, and I think she’s harder on me than my siblings. Sometimes she’s right, sometimes I am a bit rude or unhelpful - but I do everything I am asked to do, it’s not my fault that no one likes doing chores so I don’t just get up and start doing shit, if you want me to do something maybe just ask? - but also I am a teenager, I am trying but a lot is happening in my life and also her standards are a lot higher/different to those of people at school so it’s hard to adjust.

Everyone always says I’m like her, “you clash sometimes because you’re so similar” and they mean it in the ‘stubborn’ and ‘always right’ way. Which I get because she is my mother and I am like that sometimes and so is she. But I don’t want to be her. And i think that the fact that we are so similar is a shitty excuse for us not working well together and that really that should be a reason for why she is less hard on me. Because why are you having a go at me for something you do too.

And she switches so much. I think I’d actually prefer it if she was always a bitch to me. But instead we will have the best day ever and then the next day she’ll hate me. She can be buying me stuff and we’ll be having a nice conversation and then a few hours later I say one thing wrong and get lectured

“You’re so rude, so unhelpful, the way you act around us makes us feel like you hate us, you always speak with such a rude tone” I AM 14 YEARS OLD. “You don’t take it under consideration how we feel, how this makes us feel” “it makes me sad when you respond with noises” okay fair enough but maybe I’m having a shit day. Maybe I’d like to feel normal talking to my parents about my feelings. It’s not completely your fault I don’t think but some people feel comfortable talking about anything with their parents and I am here being someone who only ever cries in front of her parents when someone dies. I barely ever cry. I get that feeling like I need to where my head builds up with pressure and hurts so bad but I just can’t let it out. Maybe I would’ve liked to talk to you guys about it when my friendship group went to shit and I was affected so deeply by something crazy bad and maybe I would’ve liked to feel like you wouldn’t judge me or idk make some comment or maybe I’d like to feel more comfortable talking about that stuff.

Before I got my current friends I never rlly liked my friends or didn’t feel comfortable talking about real shit with them. In April a lot happened. I felt more comfortable with my friends than I ever had before. Even though occasionally I thought certain things were odd and I didn’t like it. But I looked past it because I want one of those friendships where we are so incredibly close and love eachother SO MUCH.

Sad rant crazy friendship group paragraph coming (tw uhhh a lot of stuff):

Then my best friend - who idk what our situation was , apparently they were gonna ask me out on my bday, but instead the day after my bday they went around to this other friends house and fucked them so I’m not sure 😭 - fucked another ‘friend’ (who I never rlly liked tbh) and that other friend was then cheating on their gf who was also our friend but also aside from that they were also necrophiliac furrys who cut themselves together like a weird ass fucking ritual (not even in a sad way, like they did it for funsies) and found gore and dead shit hot. And that kinda fucked up everything but on the other hand that made the friendship group I have now which I am so grateful for but like omfg what the hell was that whole situation.

Edit: I typed this earlier and I think I was gonna add more but I had to go to karate and I kinda lost my train of thought (is that the saying?) so I’m just gonna post it now. Sorry for the randomness and trauma dumping 😭

Also isn’t it odd that I find it more comforting talking to a bunch of strangers on the internet who don’t even know my name about my emotions over taking to my parents about it. I also talk to my friends about it but Yk I just like to rant.

Also I feel like I might have some minor trust issues.

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remnantsofherr · 11 months ago

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chuurotonin · 2 years ago

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pulling up one from the archives for the first time and just because the tag #diary is somehow useful because it's one of the tags in my pinned post above this :D this gets lengthy and at some cases, personal so i will be editing some of details on this entry so here it is the first ever #diary post on chuurotonin <3 enjoy reading! i love u!!!

June 23, 2023

i dreamed about [], a boy i went to school with on [] and i want to make out with him. he is cute and what,'s weird about liking him is when we we're once schoolmates, one day, he called me "bakla" which became a derogatory term for me knowing i really liked him back then, it traumatized me because of how i didn't like the sound of the word growing up, it felt violent and unwelcoming. it's way too odd because for months, waiting for graduation to come and sweep us all away into first year high school, that tragic happening made me ignore him for the rest of waiting for the school year to end, a slow hammer pound to the nails punctured in my heart, i acted like he didn't exist. it was awkward as fuck because we had drum and lyre practice together and our line formations are always close to each other. (side note: I hated [] practices and i hated playing []. if there were anything i would take back from the past, it would be 1) That i couldn't eat too much because I was too []. and 2) That i shouldn't have agreed to playing the fuck ass [] in that tired []. I was even surprised we'd win that title on my last school year at that school.

it hurt trying to pretend someone close to your heart doesn't exist not because you want to do that, it's because you are a young boy like him, in the closet, not ready to face the world of queerness, trying to cover up the fact that you like him, by a measure of "too much." i didn't let it consume me, i can't have that, and even if i would, i couldn't admit to him that i liked him :( it's a depressing thought but the past is gone and here is now, who knows i might end up bumping into him someday, fun fact: i've seen him on [] a couple of times when i was a senior year student studying [] and it was mindblowingly surreal seeing him after all the years that has passed. for me, [] is like an otter that needs to be held 24/7, I've never given this much thought or I've never rlly put it into words but I do like him, a lot, and if i was chicken shit to tell the world how i felt back then, i'd have nothing to lose if i was to tell him anyway. He's adorable and i wish we we're still friends. I just wished he didn't call me that word because to be frank, I'd be offended if he'd do it again. but I'll say it to him, i'll ask him first if he remembers me ignoring him and tell him why i did it in the first place. I wonder if he remembers all of that. I remember when he used to wear these blue or brown (?) velcro sandals, i'd stare at them at drum and lyre practice. I hated his sandals, I've always thought flip flops were better than sandals. Infinitely better if it was worn by a boy I liked.

[] never left my mind, but he was in the corner or a speck of thought somewhere here. what shocked me the most dreaming about him is i just "thought" of a different [], the [], cousin of []'s and []'s [], who i think is cute too but my mind just says, shouts and prefers this [] ([].) minutes after of this dream (which i couldn't remember, and i hate the fact that i couldn't...now i'm regretting i didn't write the details of it the moment i woke up.) i thought of looking him up on facebook. apparently, he bakes cookies and cakes and all that pastry and dessert shit. his Matcha cookies looks good, so, i really don't know if i'll add him and i *might* have to order some from him. the last post from his [] business is from 2021 though so i don't see a reason for me to order. but i can see a reason for me to shoot him a friend request, hit him up and confess my feelings to him after months of hanging out or whatever. i guess we'll have to find out the next time I will pull up the Notes app and start typing again like a mad bitch whose supposed to be sleeping now because I'm tired from nothing but I'm doing good mentally far from when I was employed at fucking [] house of fake ass fucking FUCK YOU [] A.K.A []rat-looking-motherfucker [] who verbally and psychologically abused me repeatedly.

anyways, this felt like an essay-diary hybrid. so good luck, good life, good love.

i feel likethe next diary post won't be like this by the way ! if you made it this far, thank you and ilu!!

#diary

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shotorozu · 4 years ago

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hello !! I'd rlly like to request Monoma if that's alright! I've had a huge soft spot for him for a while now and I'd love to see more content of him ;v;

anyway! we all know that superiority complex of his is definitely hiding some insecurities, but I also feel like he'd be quite touchstarved too bc of his peers seldom physically interacting with him due to his quirk, yknow?

with that in mind, I'd love to see how he'd handle an s/o who has "physical touch" as their main love language. they can give verbal praise/comfort, but they always get so shy abt it that they prefer giving physical affection to show their love. and maybe combining that with "quality time" being their second love language, they love to just cuddle him or toy with his hands/hair during quiet moments uwu

if you wanna do multiple characters, I'd love to request Shinsou, Midoriya, and Amajiki (separately) for the same idea, but if you'd rather do this with just Monoma then I'm okay with that !! no worries if you don't wanna do all four ♡

thank you if you do this request, and make sure to take care of yourself !! ♡

physically affectionate s/o

character(s) : monoma neito, shinsou hitoshi, midoriya izuku (i cut out tamaki for this one, sorry :[ but i’ll do another part if anyone wants it)

legend : [Y/N = your name] they/them pronouns used, strong quirk but the details aren’t specific, reader is a part of 1-A

headcanon type : fluff (and if you squint, then crack)

note(s) : yes i do agree :,) monoma should be getting a little bit more content, and i’m sorry that this came out so late! i was multitasking with other requests (because i took a 2 day absence,,) but this doesn’t mean i don’t read people’s requests

»»————-　♡　————-««

monoma neito

monoma 🤝 bakugou “the pros at sending mixed signals”

if there’s one thing he’s known for— then it’s for the persistent teasing, and his quite obnoxious attitude (especially at 1-A)

but he’s not a terrible person, he sure does have his reasons. and by now, people either choose to ignore him, or they simply knock the wind out of him

so, he was not prepared to encounter someone that was tolerant of him, AND also his type— like.. huh. that’s.. odd

and he was even more surprised when they accepted his wild love confession. there must be some catch to it, right?

so like i’ve said— monoma sends a lot of mixed signals. it’s either he’s complimenting your existence, or teasing you in various ways.

so— it’s just another normal day of monoma mouthing off to you, teasing you in a playful way, while you guys are hanging out this is way of making you remember him

but then, you just.. leaned forward and placed your hand on his head— not exchanging any words at all.

monoma’s first reaction is (・・?) because what?? someone is touching him right now.. wait.. someone is touching him!

honestly really shook, and at a lost for words— because everyone has refrained from coming into any physical contact with him? what a surprise! what even is this?

after said incident, you decide to speak “you had something in your hair.” and for once, monoma is the one that’s sitting in silence

“R-REALLY, Y/N? DID YOU REALLY THINK THAT WAS GOING TO W-WORK ON ME OR SOMETHING?” he questions in his usual mocking tone, but his cheeks are accompanied in a flushed red

he’d only experience field day when he realized that touch was basically your love language, with quality time in the second lead

so whenever you guys are spending time together, you’d,, actually go closer to him! this has never happened before, let him be

he doesn’t really like the idea of getting his hair touched, so you usually choose to fiddle with his hands— sometimes observing his details, and other times you’ll be comparing hand sizes

he’ll ridicule you for being so touchy— but he’ll ask if he’s “that irresistable?” while also moving you closer to him. he loves it a lot, okay?

don’t let class 1-b see this, he will flex on them because when he starts getting annoying again, they’ll use you as blackmail.

“monoma, i swear— if you do that, we’ll tell Y/N-”

“HAHA— ok, i’m sorry.”

shinsou hitoshi

he probably has the most chill reaction out of the bunch

again— another person that has been antagonized because of their quirk. he’s been perceived as villanious ever since his middle school days

kids have been told to keep their distance away from him at a young age so.. you’d bet that he’d be really touch starved

he never had any serious experiences with dating, and he never had any real friends— that weren’t cautious of his quirk

that was until he met you, which he just assumed you were another highkey stuck up person in the hero course

but, you were basically the opposite, and you were a real pleasure to have around. one thing lead to another, and now you guys are dating

he thought it was really cute whenever you got too shy to just sit in silence during dates, or to even give out words of affirmations

but hitoshi was surprised at first when he felt you pull yourself closer to him— resting your head on his shoulder. the concept of someone wanting to be in his presence is still sinking in for him

lucky for you! shinsou knows how to adapt to situations quickly, immediately slinging an arm around your shoulder, as he listens to you talk

he’ll be surprised when you start touching his hair, because golly!! are you guys close

but do it more pls, he loves it a lot— it sometimes makes him really drowsy.

if you play with his hands omg, his heart will do somersaults. he’s lucky that he’s able to keep himself composed.

loves watching you choosing to cuddle him, after briefly giving up on trying to form coherent words of affirmations.

it’s something he brings up quite often, but not in a teasing manner!

sometimes he’ll pat the free spot beside him, basically begging you to come closer to him.

eventually, denki notices on how touchy he’ll get whenever you’re around— but hitoshi will just shrug it off

“it’s always been that way.” he simply says, but he’ll turn around with this big ass grin on his face 💀

he’s whipped for your touch. so please, do it more

midoriya izuku

he’s also touchstarved. actually, all of them are really touchstarved, and for different reasons 💀

well.. it’s not like he had a choice from the getgo. he was born quirkless, and that lead to him becoming an outcase— and also the victim of bullying i wanna hug him

and being told constantly that he won’t ever be enough, or he won’t ever be a hero— it’s obvious that he doesn’t have any dating experience

but he didn’t think he’d be dating anytime soon— especially since he was ‘just’ pinning over you. he was convinced it was going nowhere

until you confessed. he’s surprised that he didn’t pass out

ever since you guys started dating, he noticed that you’ve been a little timid— not in the way that you feel awkward, more like,, you wanted to say something

or do something, because when you guys were studying together, you just suddenly sat closer to him— and started counting his freckles

he short circuited for a second.

he was reduced to a stuttering, and blushy mess— and you just laughed, telling him “you should continue what you’re doing!” as you ran your other hand across his shoulders

that night, he was wide awake in his bed— recalling your gentle and loving touch, running his hands along the parts of his hair, that you’ve touched

he loves quality time, because while he does like to ramble a lot— he does enjoy spending time with you in silence, but it’s the touches that makes him flustered

despite him being quite shy to initiate any sort of touch, you— on the other hand, were shy with saying praises. so you coped with physical touch, and quality time

man, izuku never gets used to it. no matter how much he tries to— he’s just.. needy, touchstarved.

he doesn’t realize how lost he looks when you’re sitting beside him, and not touching his hair or hands for once. please feel free to do so

oh, and since we’re on the topic of hands— he’ll tear up if you start playing/fiddling with his hands, and especially when you start tracing his scars. it makes him feel so warm.

okay but,, please give him a heads up if you’re going to act touchy in public. he’ll start stammering and blushing hard you might have to put him in rice or smth

the dekusquad talks about that quite a lot, especially when they accidentally witnessed it in the common room (for the first time)

in short— he adores it. sometimes he’ll initiate it, by asking you if you want to sit beside him, to play with his hair. he’s so inlove

»»————-　♡　————-««

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei. i only own the writing, and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, repost, translate, or use my works for audio readings without my permission :))

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officialtayley · 2 years ago

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i’m so sorry but this will be long. no offence to the anon that said this, i’m just kinda using it as something to spring my pov from but: i kinda hate the notion that you shouldnt count past “love” songs which are about chad (like siy, toe, proof etc) as love songs just because hayley wasn’t in the best place when she wrote them and/or they’re not as meaningful as the ones she has since written about taylor.

again, no shade to anon, this just made me want to speak about what i see on a wider scale. of course hayley and chad had a shitty relationship, he pretty much groomed her, cheated on her and from what we know abused her at least mentally. he was a horrible person and an even worse partner, we know that much is true. however, i think sometimes people can be really dismissive of hayley’s very real feelings and love that she clearly felt for chad at the time and that makes me a little bit mad sometimes. she was with the guy for 10 years, she wasn’t secretly hoping he was taylor throughout their entire relationship and to say that she was is again, dismissive and a bit disrespectful i feel? one thing we know for sure about hayley is she is loyal as fuck and she wants to fight through tough times, she wouldn’t have done all of that if she never really loved chad.

of course, her love for taylor is deeper and has more history and meaning but it’s not right to invalidate her past feelings. she doesn’t mean siy, toe etc in the same way anymore but at one point or another they meant a lot to her and they still probably do, just in a completely different way now. i know we all hate chad but please just bare in mind that hayley is a real person, she isn’t just a tayley content machine lmao, her love for chad was very real once upon a time and we don’t need to rewrite history about their past songs. two things can be true: 1. SIY and TOE are love songs about chad 2. chad is a horrible person but was still a very important figure in hayley’s life in the past for both positive (in some ways i’m sure) and extremely negative reasons.

mhm. like no matter what they are love songs and always will be, they're more darker/negative but there's still positivity in most of them (pool is tbh debatable cause she rlly did force herself to write that after everything so while it's a love song it's a bit... odd to also call it one). but yeah she prob was not wishing he was taylor for 10 years like that would've been weird 😭 but idk... i don't think fighting thru tough times means she really loved him like for ALL those years, and im just basing that off how she's spoken about feeling trapped, the shame of how they got into their relationship, failed marriages also making her want to stay so she didn't feel like a failure, and one interview iirc she said she knew very early on it wasn't a good relationship/wanted out, that also doesn't mean there was never real love there cause there obviously was for sure! but yeah.

she isn't a tayley content machine and ppl should be more respectful, i get you cause i've seen it on a wider scale too and i think sometimes i can catch myself thinking that way, but i think sometimes people let the hatred for chad sort of get in the way of everything.

#anon #answered

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universallychaoticpan · 3 years ago

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hey i really loved ur dazai & older sister reader post, ur writing is really beautiful !! may i request a dazai & reader whos not blood related to him, but basically his younger sibling in the port mafia? like they were "recruited" into the port mafia very young & before dazai, so when mori introduced them to eachother they bonded pretty fast and took care of eachother as much as they could, and understand eachother very well? perhaps they have similar personalities too so theyre both like "dont kill urself or i'll kill myself wtf". would love if u added a little angst with dazai leaving the port mafia without them at the end too but its not rlly important !!

SORRY IF THIS IS TOO MUCH I REALLY LOVE YOUR WRITING AND CANNOT GET THIS DYNAMIC OUT OF MY HEAD

You're so kind, thank you so much!I really love writing fics that include sibling type dynamics; it's comforting in a different way than romantic fics are, though I am in love with both. Also no need apologize, I feel like I say this a lot but I love how creative these get and I love to write them out for you. (Honestly I feel like the people who come up with these would write better fics than I do just based on their ideas-) My long winded point aside, I hope you enjoy this as even more than I enjoyed seeing the request. <3

Dazai found you where he usually did: eyes far away on the edge of the roof, sun pouring over your features while the wind howled in your ears. Like him, you were easily bored: you moved like water, restless and wild, often hiding from everyone except for Dazai and Mori themselves. No one denied them, and no one denied you either. Even though you had only ever told a handful of people, most of them now dead, your secrets got out anyway. It was a sort of rite of passage, to find out just who you were.

Untamed and unrepentant, that was you. Mori had found you, little more than a scrawny alley cat, claws and all. For as long as you remembered, before Mori, you were alone. Yokohama was your playground, your toys and treasures discarded bits of broken glass you could find in the gutters. Then, Mori had taken you in. He'd been an odd sort of father to you, taught you to fight, raised you withing the Mafia until you never again felt weak. In many ways, you were the Mafia's princess: nothing was ever really too much for you, even though you seldom asked. Still, you weren't ever hungry or cold; all that stuck around was your unwillingness to sit still. That, and your refusal to do anything exactly how someone wanted it done. Mori had learned quickly that you were messy and loud when you worked, causing chaos and reveling in it all the while. Even if you could be reserved and quiet at any other time, in the field, you were as spectacular and unpredictable as firecrackers in the hands of a child. And you had been lonely.

As you'd grown up, you'd become more and more aware of the way people's eyes followed you curiously, eyeing you up and down whenever Mori would approach you, then widening in surprise when he offered affection instead of his usual leering threats. You were isolated, skilled, feared, and hated for the way he favored you even when he didn't. So you pulled away, slipped off and trained at night when there was seldom unwelcome eyes to witness the way you slipped up like anyone else. You gained a reputation as being aloof and conceited, and in a way, you supposed you could be called such. The fact was that nothing had been enough to make you sit up and take notice of the world. You weren't unhappy, just unsatisfied with yourself and the world. And through it all, still alone.

And suddenly, there was Osamu Dazai.

When you were fourteen yourself, and just a few months younger than he was, Mori pulled him into the fold of the Mafia with a variation on the smile he gave to you. Then, he had looked like he was being held by the scruff of his neck; like he could leave if he wanted to but there was nothing tempting enough to leave for. From the beginning, he had made you laugh more than anyone ever had. Even now, years later, you recalled the look on his face when he'd pulled laughter from you, the sound startling in it's light clarity. You liked his wit, he savored your reckless daring. And from then on, you weren't alone anymore.

He knew where you would run when the day made you ache, which was where he found you now.

"Mori wants you," he began, smirking playfully as you groaned. "Says he needs to talk to you. How bad did ya fuck up this time?"

"Shut up," you muttered. Still, your smile told him you were no more mad at him than one was with an annoying sibling. "It wasn't even bad, I just...may have started a small fire last time he had me on assignment."

Beside you, Dazai burst out laughing against his will, the hand he had over his mouth failing to conceal his smile as his head fell back.

"What?," you cried, faking indignation, "it wasn't that bad! I just may or may not have burned down that convenience store you like so much-"

You shrieked as he shoved you gently, enough force to send you toppling to the side.

"Dumbass, I could've died," you laughed, brushing your hair behind your ears.

"I liked that store!" he replied in mock anger. "They had good liquor, cheap as hell, too. And anyway, you were waaaaay too calm saying you could've died."

"You're one to talk," you shot back. "You're the only person I know who's worse than me!"

He snorted at that, opening his arm until you sat huddled against his side. It was quiet for a moment, the both of you simply staring off into the city lights.

"And anyway," you said quietly, "we're all we've got. No dying for anyone, at least not for awhile yet, alright?"

He sighed in response, looking straight into your eyes, the both of you holding the stare in a challenge conveying so much and nothing at all.

Finally, he smiled, the tense air between you relaxing as if the world had let out it's breath.

"It's a promise, then."

And so it went;

Promises indeed.

You couldn't fathom why such a memory had surfaced then; perhaps it was the budding summer all around you, the air beginning to thicken with it's infancy. Perhaps it was the heady scent of tobacco on your lips, the smoky flavor of whiskey still on your tongue; the pleasant hum moving through you and clouding your mind until you were once again spending yet another night in your sea of memories.

The years had been kind to you, in their own way. You were more skilled, more shrewd, at twenty one widely recognized as the heir to the Port Mafia even though such a thing was nonexistent. Still, you were Mori's right hand, for better or worse, with all that came with such territory.

Taking another drag of the cigarette still smoldering between your fingers, you felt your mind drift even further into the past with the clouds that filled your throat.

"So much for that," you muttered, tears stinging your eyes against your best attempts to fight them. Even after so long, you ached at the thought of him. Even now, your mind stored away the things you knew would make him laugh, the stories you'd have shared in the place you now stood if your lives hadn't left you confused and alone once again.

You had been alone before him, and would be alone after.

That was a truth you'd forced yourself to come to terms with, again and again, every year replying to the silence of the world with your own small rituals, as though he were dead and gone. Perhaps it would make you feel better, in a terrible way, if you knew he was.

You knew he was still out there somewhere, though, building himself a new life from the ashes and rubble of the one that had fallen apart when Oda had died. He had run from the Mafia; that wasn't why you wrapped your sorrow in anger. No, you knew he wanted more than the life you had; He had simply found a way, like he always did, to turn death into an opportunity. You weren't angry he had left. You weren't angry at all.

No.

You lied and called your sadness anger, all the while letting the years pass and wondering why he didn't have the decency to at least say goodbye to the person he'd grown up beside like a sibling; given you a chance to say goodbye to the man who'd laughed with you like a brother, loved you in a way that was as unique as he himself was.

You hated Osamu Dazai for leaving you back where you had been so long ago, just as you were; for leaving you the same scared kid who brandished a knife and called it safety. This time you had simply disguised yourself with age, the years hiding that child away until you were left where you were now:

On the edge of everything, your city spread out before you like a glittering maze, it's veins alive and well as the night came alive. You studied your watch as it ticked down to midnight, lifting your flask to the moon as the date changed, letting the contents burn their way down your throat and leave you buzzing once again. The whisper came next.

June 19.

"Happy birthday, you mad man.

Don't you dare die on me now, wherever you are.

#dazai x reader #osamu dazai x reader #dazai osamu x reader #bsd x reader #bsd #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs #bsd dazai x reader

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laurensprentiss · 4 years ago

Text

Jouska [Hotch x Reader]

Chapter 19:

A/N: Here it is besties, v sorry for this but I live to cause chaos!! They both have some growing and living to do over the next chapters which will span around ten years. Stick around it’s gonna be interesting! Also Hotch looks rlly good here hehe

Warnings: None, really. Swearing, mentions of pregnancy, heavy angst.

———

“I'm scared I'm going to spend the rest of my life in a state of yearning, regardless of where I am.” - Melina Marchetta

———

08:00

It happens slowly then all at once. He knows he feels lighter, physically, before he’s fully conscious - can’t feel the warm weight of you on top of him. He frowns as he slowly awakens fully, feeling for your body next to him.

When all he feels are sheets, he comes to, a little quicker, opening one eye to look around. When he doesn’t see you, he figures you left to go to the bathroom but a piece of paper on your pillow catches his eye.

He frowns as he sits up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes when the doorbell begins to ring incessantly. He looks between the door, the paper and then the door again, tucking the note underneath his pillow to come back to later. He takes a cursory look at the clock -

08:00

He runs downstairs with a grin, thinking maybe you went out to grab coffee and forgot you didn’t have a key, but when he opens the door, icy shock runs through his veins.

“Hi, Aaron.”

“Haley?” He replies stunned. He glances behind him, increasingly alarmed now as to your whereabouts.

She averts her gaze from Hotch’s half naked form, it’s nothing she hasn't seen before but there’s a barrier between them now. Even with what she’s about to tell him.

“Can we talk?”

“-This…. isn’t really a good time.” He replies, glancing behind him again. He uses his body to block what lies behind him, clothing littering the floor as evidence of last night. His cheeks run hot when he realises Haley already spotted it all.

“We need to talk. I wouldn’t have shown up like this, but she told me to come by at 8. Said I should talk to you.”

He frowns. “Who?” He asks, despite hazarding a very good guess he already knows the answer.

“Look, can I just come in? I'm really cold and this is incredibly awkward.”

He sighs, “Yeah- yeah come in.” He steps aside to let her in, picks his shirt up off the floor and begins to button it as he invites her to sit.

Haley tells him that she managed to track you down outside your apartment yesterday. His jaw ticks and he runs his thumb over his bottom lip, agitated. “Why would you do that?”

“I figured I owed her an apology. Ultimately I was the one who put her in danger with-” She licks her lips. “With him. I thought we should talk.”

“So you resorted to stalking?” He paces. He can’t figure out why you’d ask her to come by now, especially if you were going to spend the night last night.

“I know, I’m sorry.” She looks sick. “I kind of knew that you felt something for her, and I figured she probably did too. Clearly I was right.”

“I’m not doing this with you.”

She throws her hands up. “No! No, that's not what I meant. I need to tell you something but before I did, I needed to tell her, I owed her some courtesy after everything at least.”

He tilts his head and his eyes narrow. “Get to the point.”

She pulls out an envelope and slides it across the coffee table. She breathes shakily, nodding at it. “It’s all in there.”

He watches her quizzically, confused at her demeanour - she’s never been one to be at a loss for words. He takes a seat opposite, studying her as he peels open the envelope.

A sliver of cold panic works its way through his veins as he scans the page.

LABCORP DNA TESTING SERVICES

Sample 1 - BROOKS/HOTCHNER : Positive Match

Sample 2 - BROOKS/HOTCHNER : Positive Match

“What the hell is this?” He asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

She swallows thickly, abetting her gaze. “It’s a paternity test. I’m pregnant.” She tells him quietly.

His chest tightens and his head starts swimming. “What? I don’t believe you.”

“It’s right there on the paper. It’s yours.” She looks like she’s holding back vomit, the colour on her face drained. She studies Aaron for any kind of a reaction but he still looks confused.

“I want another one.” He tells her waving the paper. “How far along are you?”

“3 and a half months.”

“Wait,” He winces as the cold realisation hits him. “You told her?”

She nods.

The colour drains from his face and he shoots up from his seat, remembering everything he’d told you yesterday about how he would do things differently if he ever became a father. Knowing now what you knew then, he can’t begin to fathom what must have been going through your mind yesterday.

He shoots up the stairs three at a time, hoping he’s not too late.

———

06:00

Your eyes burn with the lack of sleep and the aftermath of your breakdown. You lay still against Aaron’s chest, your hand splayed flat against his skin. You’ve been watching him sleep for most of the night, memorising all you can about him, and imagining an alternate future where you could’ve ended up together.

But it doesn’t help. All it goes is drive a stake deeper into your heart because no matter how much you imagine, it doesn’t change your future. The sun begins to rise sure enough, a promise of another day but the lighter it gets, the more your stomach turns and the tighter your chest gets.

You pull Aaron in closer one more time, fusing your body to his and you close your eyes. His hands run down your bag gently as he stirs in his sleep. You take a minute to take him in one last time, despite your aching heart you try to hold onto the happiness you’d felt before it all came crashing down.

You doubt you’ll feel for anyone the way you feel for him. But you can’t be selfish, not now. You whisper to him, barely audible, the words you need to get off your chest and with a gentle kiss to his sleeping face, you slink out of his arms.

You gather your clothes, and from the credenza drawer downstairs, grab a pen and paper.

‘Dearest Aaron…’

Tears stain your face as you initial the bottom of the letter and with a final breath, you fold it and scrawl his initials on top. You reluctantly walk back upstairs and when you see Aaron’s peaceful face in a deep sleep, it takes everything in you to walk away. You place the note on your pillow, and turn away before you change your mind.

But as you approach the door, you turn to take one last look at him, willing your memory to hold on to this image, to the feel of him. To what it feels like to be loved by him.

“Goodbye Aaron.” You whisper.

———

08:30hrs:

He struggles to get his pants on, throwing on odd socks and grabbing the note on the pillow which he stuffs haphazardly into his three day old jacket. He runs down the stairs three at a time, passing Haley on the way as he grabs his keys.

She looks at him with panic and confusion. “Go back to the hotel, I’ll call you!” He tells her. She looks around, stunned as the door slams shut behind him.

He fumbles with his phone, dialling your number, but it goes straight to voicemail. He tries Emily but it goes to voicemail too. He dials the direct line to your assistant and on the last ring, she picks up.

“Agent Hotchner?”

“Leah?”

“Yeah? Is everything okay?”

He desperately asks if she has any idea of where you are today, if you have anything on your docket.

“Not that I can see, no. Is everything okay?”

“Look, can you find out if she’s home and call me?” He hangs up and purposely turns on the sirens to weave through traffic to your place. In a cruel twist of fate, he curses the numerous traffic logs he encounters on his way, thinking he’ll deal with the fallout of using his lights without reason later.

He finally turns onto your street, tires screeching as he pulls up behind a blacked out towncar, into which an older gentleman appears to be hauling suitcases. He doesn’t bother closing the door as he exits his SUV, his eyes trailing on the suitcases being piled into the trunk of the towncar when he hears your voice.

He stops in his tracks.

“Alright, James. I think that’s the last of the b-”

The air leaves your lungs when you catch sight of him. There’s a brief moment when you think you think you’re imagining him but your chest squeezes when you look at his face, halfway between confused, devastated and just plain betrayed.

He utters your name with a shaky whisper. “What is this? What’s going on?” He asks unsteady, already knowing the answer.

You hand your bags to James who ducks between you to receive them, the tension thick and heavy. “I’m sorry, I planned on…” You struggle for the words. “Being done earlier than this. This is what I wanted to avoid.”

He retreats, eyebrows shooting up. “This, what? You wanted to avoid saying goodbye to me? You couldn’t even extend me the grace of telling me you were leaving?” He pulls out your note from his pocket, shaking it in front of you. “You left this and thought it would be enough? After everything that happened with us.”

“Come on, Aaron. You know that’s not what I meant. But you know why I’m leaving, it’s why you’re here. And I knew you would do this, I knew you’d try and talk me out of going. That’s why I didn’t tell you.” You swallow the lump in your throat.

The desperation inside him starts to claw at him. “You don’t have to leave. We’re adults, we can figure this out.” He takes both of your hands tightly in his.

You shake your head. “I won’t put you in that position, I know how important this is to you. I won’t put myself in that position either.” He opens his mouth to oppose you but he knows as well as you do that this is the end. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this but this was easier when I had a stalker, all I had to worry about was making it through the day without being murdered. But things are real now, you have a career and a family to worry about, I have to go to college. I guess we just didn’t think this through.”

He retreats slightly, a hurt expression on his face. “That doesn’t mean it was wrong.” He says, quietly. “I told you I’d wanted to be with you for a long time, and I meant it. I don’t regret any of it.”

You cup his cheek. “Neither do I. But we both know what needs to happen. I can’t stay.”

He caresses your hand on his cheek with bereft eyes. “You changed me, you know?”

You laugh dryly. “With your gig at the BAU? Forget it, you’ll be saving people left and right.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.” His voice cracks. “I’m just sorry we couldn’t have more time. I think this could have been something.”

“Did you read the note?” He shakes his head. “Wait until I’m gone to read it - you don’t have to. But if you ever find yourself doubting or second-guessing who you were to me - who you are to me? You should read that. It has everything you’ll need to know.”

He brings his forehead to yours, glassy eyes watching you with so much affection you think you might just break. “Can we stay here? Just for a minute? I’m not ready to let you go yet.” He asks.

You nod and loop your arms around his neck, tiptoeing to reach his height. He hugs you back with ferocity, face burying in the crook of your neck as he takes you in, memorises the way you body slots against his, how you smell and feel. He presses his eyes shut, willing his brain to commit every last feeling to memory, terrified that there may come a day when he no longer remembers how he loves you.

You muffle your sobs as best as you can, clutching at the material of his shirt, and the small tufts of hair at the nape of his neck. Try as you might, when you close your eyes, all you can see is a reel of your relationship with Aaron, spanning from the moment you met to now.

All of it comes rushing back: the gazebo, your apartment, numerous late night coffees and dinners, his face in the cabin, the hospital and of course, the nights and days you spent in bed. The pond, the balcony, the laughter. The love. You feel a hole consuming your chest and you struggle to breathe, cursing yourself for falling in love with the one man you couldn’t possibly ever have.

James beeps from inside the towncar, and you reluctantly loosen your grip on Aaron, sniffling as you let him go. It feels infinitely harder to detangle yourself from him now, like tearing a bandage off of a raw wound, but you know you need to go.

And so does he.

His eyes are watery when you look at him, yours mirroring his heartbreak. “I guess this is it.” He rasps.

You clear your throat. “Yeah. I guess so.”

“Can I kiss you goodbye?”

You nod solemnly. His hands cup your cheeks lovingly, wiping away a stray tear. He leans in, and presses his lips to yours for the last time. He takes his time, allowing himself to linger in the moment, and convey everything he can in this kiss without having to say it. Wants to remember how soft your lips are and the way you taste.

Your tears fall steadily now, your own hands tangling in his hair. You selfishly wish you could stay here, throw away any and all integrity just to keep him for yourself. But you both have things to do, futures to live.

You break the kiss, forehead resting against his. His hand cradles the back of your head, and he presses a tender kiss to your forehead, lips lingering before he finally lets go.

You fish in your pocket and take his hand in yours, dropping your key into his palm. He looks at you quizzically. “Keep it, give it to the super, I don’t mind. But lock up for me?” You ask him.

He nods, closing his hand around yours, a desperate attempt to keep you close for a few more fleeting moments. He presses a desperate kiss laced with finality on your lips as you release yourself from his embrace.

Watching you reach for the car door sends him into a tailspin. You’re just about in the car when you hear him call your name. His voice is strained. “Listen, I just- before you go. There’s something I need to tell you.” His face is contorted with desperation and his voice laced with something utterly heartbroken.

You know where he’s going with this. You weren’t sure if he felt it until now, horrible fucking timing, but it’s still something.

“Don’t. I know what you’re going to say, Aaron. Please don’t.” You sob. “This is already one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, please don’t make it harder. I know what you’re going to say. But before you do… just please don’t?” You plead.

He swallows thickly, choking back tears, too. “I do, though.”

You breathe through the hole in your chest. “I know, Aaron. I do, too.” Your smile is bitter as you open the car door and step inside gingerly, keeping your eyes on the sidewalk where he stands. He walks over to you, tangles your fingers with his briefly before cradling your chin, wiping another stray tear.

“Maybe in another life?” He whispers.

“Maybe in another life.” You tell him with a sad smile.

“Goodbye, sweetheart.”

I love you.

“Goodbye, Aaron.”

I love you.

He watches the car peel away longingly, muttering aloud the words that he’d whispered two nights ago when he thought you were asleep.

“I love you.”

———

09:15

Your car pulls up to the airstrip forty-five minutes later and you can hear the deafening engine of the plane before you even step out of the car. You place a $50 in the hand of the man who opens your door for you, throwing a quick thank you his way as you obscure your puffy eyes with a pair of sunglasses.

You offer the men loading your luggage a small smile and hand them their tips, before boarding the plane. You spot Emily on the far left side of the plane, her face buried in a copy of Mother Night.

When she sees you, she shoots up from her seat, throwing her book onto the table in front of her. “Oh my God! You came! Hi!” Her good arm wraps around your neck for a hug and you stiffen against her. “What made you change your mind?” She asks.

You close your mouth just as soon as you open it when the curtain dividers open.

“Darling!” Ambassador Prentiss emerges from her office, behind a divider on the plane. She has a phone receiver against her chest, you assume to muffle her voice to whoever is on the other end. “Emmy and I are so glad you decided to join us, we’ll be taking off in around 15 minutes.” She tells you, glancing at her watch.

You shoot her a polite smile and thank her, and she looks between you and Emily, excusing herself back to her office.

“I’ll let you girls catch up.”

Emily leads you to the seat opposite her, her face now showing signs of concern. She watches your face for an answer but when nothing comes, she asks outright.

“What happened? I thought you were going to stick around and see what happens? You had a date right? Her words scratch your skin.

“Date’s off.” You swallow.

Her eyes widen. “What? Why?!”

“His ex is pregnant and it’s his.” You reply nonchalantly, rapidly blinking back tears behind your sunglasses.

Her mouth drops open. “Holy shit! Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine.” You reply, gazing out of the window.

Emily watches you in shock, unsure of what to say. She can tell by your demeanour that you’re in shock but she can’t do anything except hold your hand and tell you she’s sorry with a quiet voice.

“Yeah.” You sigh.

———

09:00

When he keys open your apartment door, he’s hit with an eerie silence, a heart wrenching emptiness. He attempts to turn a lamp on but the electricity has been turned off, leaving the living room cold and dark.

His mind fills in the spaces between the emptiness, picturing you sitting on your couch, or on the bar stools around your island. Can hear the incessantly loud TV, and your laughter from your room.

Your room is just as empty too, a few stray clothes hangers remain in the wardrobes and when he turns to look out at your balcony, he swears he sees your shadow outside. He makes sure the doors and windows are secure and makes his way back to your living room, the entire experience harrowing, like walking through a graveyard of memories.

His legs give out as he walks back to the living room, sinking onto the couch. A picture of you catches his eye on the side table next to him, the same one he’d caressed gently when you’d been taken by Jordan. He’d thought then, that was the worst moment of his life, had he known what was to come, he’d have reserved his judgement.

He swallows the lump in his throat as he gently brushes a finger over the glass, unable to keep the tears from coming now. He wishes with everything you could have stayed, can feel it deep within him that you’ll keep a part of his heart for years to come. Then he remembers the note.

He opens the folded paper with trembling hands.

‘Dearest Aaron,

I sit in your living room right now, struggling for the words to write but I can’t seem to come up with anything that truly encapsulates how I feel. How I’m incredibly sorry to have to leave like this, how I wish with everything in me that I didn’t have to, I wish this could have ended differently.

I want to say thank you. You may not know or understand this, but for all the good and bad, you truly changed my life. I met you during the darkest and scariest part of my life, when I had nobody - when I was all alone. And in you came like a light and protected me fiercely, taught me everything I needed to save my life. You did that.

You saved me.

You changed me.

Despite the circumstances, we did have something, a friendship, maybe the start of something more - something real. Don’t ever doubt that. The last two days were two of the best of my life, a fitting reward, I thought, after everything I’d been through. But I couldn’t let you talk me into staying, because I know you, and you would have tried, told me that we could’ve worked something out - and it would’ve been selfish of me to stay.

I want you to know that I am so incredibly happy for you. This wasn't an easy decision, but I’m leaving of my own choice. I have no doubt in my mind that you’ll be an amazing father. That child will be loved and oh so lucky to have you and your warmth as a father. I know how much this means to you, how important it is for you to give your child a better life than the one you and Sean had.

And you will.

Thank you for everything you did for me, thank you for saving me over and over again. Thank you for teaching me to be brave, and for coming into my life. My hope for you is that you’ll build a wonderful life with your beautiful little family and achieve everything you’ve ever wanted and more.

You’ll change the world one day.

Know that I will always have a special place for you in my heart.

I’ll never forget you.

All my love.’

He swallows the burning in his chest. Two days were all he had with you and he stupidly saw himself able to imagine a future with you, could imagine loving you for the rest of his life - but then he’d been in love with you long before you’d asked him to stay.

He winces as something digs into his chest and he reaches for his inside jacket pocket until something cold makes contact with his fingers.

His heart stops, molten lava running through his veins.

Your necklace.

He grips it until the sharp edges of the pendant feel like they’re about to puncture his skin.

Maybe he wasn’t destined for peace, for love. The love that he wanted. Maybe a happy ending wasn’t written for him and he’d have to make peace with that. At least he had the memory of your face burnt into his brain, the smell of your hair, the sound of your laughter.

That finite part of you would get him through eternity.

———

20:00

You’ve rejected every meal you’ve been offered by the staff aboard the plane, instead choosing to down Emily’s bottle of red wine. It eases the heaviness in your head, that’s true but the ache in your chest still remains.

Emily’s since drifted off to sleep, her book laying open against her stomach, meal half-eaten. You stare at the blinking lights of the plane and the clouds below you until everything starts to blur.

You love him. He loves you. That much is true. You never had believed in the concept of the right person but the wrong time, how could you? If the person was right, the timing would surely be inconsequential.

That was until you met Aaron.

In this life, in the grey harsh reality, after everything you had been through with him, the simple fact that two people love one another pales in comparison to the bloody reality of commitments, matters of the mind and sacrifice.

He loves you and you love him. It just isn’t enough.

He aches for you and you ache for him. But it’s still just out of reach.

Your hearts aren’t your own anymore. But you have to go on anyway.

———

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